A new baby?
The arrival of a new sibling can be tough on your toddler. Here's how to help
Two-year-old Hannah wasn’t sure that she wanted to be a big sister. Before Abby’s arrival, her parents had talked casually about the little baby brother or sister to come. Hannah — a very talkative toddler — was unusually quiet about the whole thing. If someone asked her about the new baby, Hannah would quickly say, “No new baby.”
The truth is Hannah’s mom, Tara Chapman*, was a little apprehensive too. Hannah had always been a handful, with boundless energy and a very physical way of showing her emotions. If she didn’t take to new sisterhood, Chapman knew it would be a rocky road ahead.
When Abby came home from the hospital, Hannah watched the baby curiously for a few days. Finally, she made up her mind: “I no like that new baby,” she announced firmly.
The introduction of a new baby to the family can be an emotional — and anxious — time for parents, who worry that their first child’s displacement as the one-and-only will throw the family off-kilter. But should parents really be worried?
Not at all, experts say. Jealousy of a new sibling is a very common and natural reaction from older children. But they soon adjust. In fact, there’s a silver lining: When parents address their child’s negative feelings in an understanding and sympathetic manner, it can pave the way for a stronger sibling relationship.
Breaking the news
Alyson Schafer, a psychotherapist and author of Honey, I Wrecked the Kids, suggests that parents set the tone for the rest of the family by being excited and positive about the new baby. The key, Schafer stresses, is that parents not overdo it and make the new arrival the sole focus of the family.
Patricia Henderson Shimm, an early childhood educator and author of Parenting Your Toddler, agrees. In her book, she suggests keeping the announcement of your big news simple and low-key: “We are going to have a new baby in the summer, when it gets very hot.” Follow your toddler’s lead by answering her questions, but don’t overload her with information.
Winnipeg mom of two Ange Schellenberg had a unique way to help her 19-month-old son, Xander, grasp the idea that he was going to be a big brother. When she found out her second baby was on the way, Schellenberg bought a baby doll named Mikey for her son.
“For months, we would go and wake Mikey up from his bed, feed him a bottle and change his diaper,” she explains. Mikey quickly became a beloved part of the family, going everywhere with Xander. “Once our new baby boy arrived, Xander was so excited that I would have a baby to take care of, just like he took care of Mikey.”
As the birth gets close, you can help your toddler understand what’s happening by teaching him a bit about babies. You can read picture books about babies, visit friends who have younger siblings, and look at his own baby book together, talking about how tiny and helpless he was.
Some parents purchase a present for the older child, to be given “from” the baby when she is born. Others keep a stash of small surprises on hand for the older child in the event friends drop by with gifts for the newborn.
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What do you think?