How to deal with aggressive toddler behaviour
How to help little ones who lash out
Last summer, 2½-year-old Carmin started hitting children in the home daycare her mom, Cheri Bojcic of Chilliwack, BC, was running. Up until then, Carmin had been so easygoing.
Got a hitter on your hands? Or maybe your daughter has sunk her chompers into the arms of daycare mates? It’s challenging when your toddler or preschooler acts out aggressively — you might be embarrassed or upset by the behaviour, or worried about what exactly is causing your sweet pea to lash out at unsuspecting subjects.
Behind the bite
First of all, you needn’t worry your angel has suddenly developed a devilish side. “This kind of behaviour often accompanies the time in children’s lives when their language is still evolving and they can’t express what they want to say,” says Kim Watts, interim manager for the Ryerson Early Learning Centre in Toronto. “Or they’re frustrated at not being understood, or someone has something they’d like to have.” Other triggers include a change in the child’s life, such as the arrival of a sibling.
So what can you do? “If we think children are naturally aggressive and we have to drill that out of them, we’ll come at the toddler years thinking about ‘training’ rather than helping them,” says Jean Clinton, a Hamilton child psychiatrist and member of the Canadian Paediatric Society’s Mental Health and Developmental Dis-abilities Committee. “Helping them grow in learning empathy and connecting to others has a huge impact on how you approach this.” Here are tricks to try at home and with any caregivers — experts say consistency helps discourage the behaviour.
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What do you think?
Cee (not verified) says ....
Bite the child back??? You are teaching your child that if you are bigger and stronger, you can hurt someone. That's why there is such a problem with bullying these days. It's not about the "quick fix" it's about teaching something invaluable to a child. Biting is not okay because hurting someone is not okay. Biting back definitely doesn't convey this message.
Jo (not verified) says ....
My idea is to make the child bite himself, then he puts on the right amount of pressure to hurt, and then he also learns what HIS bite feels like.
Henny (not verified) says ....
Modeling the same behavior only validates it, it gives kids the exact opposite message you intend. If your child punches you in the nose, will you do the same back to him?
Sherry (not verified) says ....
I had to bite my son back, since then it has stopped. I've tried every thing prior to that and nothing worked. I only had to bite him once and that was it! Thank goodness, I don't think I could have done it again.
andie55 says ....
... sounds like child abuse. The child is abusing YOU! In my opinion, the behavior should be stopped. I do not agree with waiting til the kids grows out of it - disrespecting a parent only continues, with other ways of acting it out. I agree with the friend who says to bite the child back. Not viciously, but enough for it to be uncomfortable. Help them learn to decide not to do that while they are little and you still have control. If you are letting your child "abuse you", imagine all the ways it'll show up when they are older. It seems likely you react in a way where the toddler knows it hurts; not responding in a way that helps them learn to choose differently seems to teach them it works to bully.
lynn (not verified) says ....
my 2 and half year old bites just because he doesnt get his way-i have tried to talk to him like an adult and that never works, if you try to explain that it hurts the other person it just seems to make him feel sad and still lashes out-my girlfriend says to bite them back and then they will stop-anyway still getting bad bruises on my arms and legs-i just hope he will grow out of it soon!!!!