Toddler

The birds are going to sleep, the horses and cows are all going to sleep. Grandma Mary is sleeping. Bear-Bear is sleeping.” Julie’s father begins the litany that sends her off to dreamland most nights. July, 21 months, joins in with her favourite people: Danielle seep. Mommy seep. Alec seep…”

Marianne Neifert, the paediatrician and mother of five known as Dr. Mom in her Guide to Baby and Child Care, says, “Toddlers love ritual. It feels comfortable to them to follow the same pattern every night: pyjamas, teeth, story, kiss, wink, lights out, and door left open exactly four inches. Boring as it will become, don’t discount the ritual; heed it and they’ll sleep more soundly.”

Although a soothing routine certainly won’t guarantee that bedtime will proceed smoothly every single night, it may help your child make the transition from a “baby” bedtime (being nursed or rocked to sleep) to a “big kid” bedtime (going to sleep on his own, eventually in a “big” bed).

Many toddlers resist bedtime, says Susan E. Gottlieb, MD, in her book Keys to Children’s Sleep Problems, because it represents the ultimate separation: “Toddlers worry that their precious world will change while they’re asleep; going to bed each night in a leap of faith.”

We can reassure toddlers by offering them what Gottlieb calls “a loving prelude to sleep” each night, one that will help them switch gears from their stimulating day to the stillness of slumbertime.

Parents often establish a routine based on the child’s temperament. A high-need toddler, for example, may have trouble “settling himself,” and need a parent to keep him company until the sandman arrives.

Other children easily become accustomed to kissing mom and dad goodnight, then cuddling Teddy and noding off.

Lutchi San Pedro, mother of 19-month-old Jordan, has found a routine that works well for her family. Most nights her husband, keith Nisbet, gives Jordan a relaxing, warm bath, then reads to him until his eyelids get heavy and he falls asleep. While some nights can be “a bit difficult, particularly if Jordan is overtired,” San Pedro is pleased that for the most part Jordan ends his busy day peacefully. “I think it’s because we’ve always met his needs at night, just as we would during the day,” she says. (Jordan is welcome in his parents’ bed if he awakens during the night).

Sharon Mooers nurses her daughter Madelyn-Lee, 15 months, after a bath and a story. For them, a quiet nursing and cuddle are an essential part of the bedtime routine. But the other elements of the bedtime ritual that Mooers has established will provide reassuring continuity when Madelyn-Lee is weaned.

Janice May finds that bedtime for her daughter Devan, 22 months, runs smoothly _ unless she tries to hurry it along. “If I rush her because I need to do something, it doesn’t work,” says May. Devan needs to be ready to sleep, and will usually do so on her own after a routine of bath, fresh diaper, toothbrushing, storybook )always the same rhyming one), and a cuddle with her favourite doll.

May advises, “it’s important to find a routine that balances the parents’ needs and the child’s needs.” Mary Ellen Maher, mother of three children, agrees. She relied on a calming ritual of back rubs and lullabies with her first two children, but never got around to establishing a routine for Kevin, since he drifted off to sleep easily as an infant. Now, at age two, Kevin is a night owl who resists winding down at the end of the day, clambering out of his crib in search of his parents.

Maher points out wistfully, “It’s really worth finding a routine that works.” According to Susan Gottlieb, “It the ritual is fun, the child participates eagerly. If it is effective, the child is lulled to sleep by its conclusion.” Sweet dreams.

Winter 1999