Toddler

Jim Moran is saying goodnight to his 22-month-old twins, Arran and Callum. Normally he takes them up to bed, but tonight he’s a time zone away, so they’re saying goodnight via computer camera. They wave to each other, and Callum blows a clumsy toddler kiss.

That’s a big improvement from when he first began travelling for his job, says Jim. “When our older daughter was little, there was mostly just the telephone to keep in touch. And that’s difficult. When they’re very young they don’t really talk on the phone and they don’t quite understand who it is on the other end. It’s hard. Now I can see the smiles on their faces and that’s always good.”

It’s great for the kids too, says Jim’s partner, Debbie, but they still miss their Daddy. “In the evening it can get quite bad. They know he’s meant to come home then.” Debbie gives the twins a photo of Jim to look at in bed, and she says sometimes they make the hand sign they’ve learned that means “all gone.”

When a parent is away, it’s hard for toddlers to understand where mom or dad is and when he or she will return. (For the purposes of this article, “mom or dad” is now going to morph into a male, since at this age it is most often dad who’s travelling.)

Scott Branch is children’s services coordinator for the Esquimalt (BC) Military Family Resource Centre. Talk about travel — military personnel can be posted for months at a time. Branch has lots of ideas for helping toddlers with a parent’s absence, but he starts by addressing the spouse at home.

“We want to make sure that she’s taking care of herself and making some social connections, not becoming isolated. You need to keep up your own energy level so you can look after the child 24/7.”

Originally published in Today's Parent, September 2008