Toddler

It’s little wonder the business of disciplining kids is fraught with more hazards than an episode of Lost. You start out on the right track, but somewhere along the way you trip, stumble, maybe even fall into patterns that do nothing to advance the goal of helping your child learn self-control. Not to fear, we’ve uncovered the secrets behind 10 common discipline pitfalls and come up with ways you can steer clear.

The Shrieking Snare

How to spot
Watch out! You may think cranking up the volume is the only way to get your kid’s attention. But if your progeny regularly compares you to Harry Potter’s screaming egg, or blows his allowance on earplugs, it’s time to back away from the megaphone.

Why it’s dangerous
“To convey you have control of kids, you must convey you have control of yourself,” says Ronald Morrish, a Fonthill, Ont., speaker and author of Secrets of Discipline. Since parents who froth and rave have obviously lost it, they’re not likely to command much respect. In fact, a whole lotta parental hullabaloo often has the opposite effect. “Kids just tune your voice out. It becomes background noise. That’s why you can yell the same thing 10 times, and they never hear a word of it.”

Climbing out
With real authority, the voice goes down, not up. “It doesn’t go quieter; it goes down to a firm, serious businesslike tone,” says Morrish. “You use that voice and enunciate your words to make it clear that ‘This. Is. Not. Negotiable. Now get your job done.’” Save the yelling for emergency situations like a kid running across a street. “You can freeze a child from 25 feet away by suddenly raising your voice. But if you’ve been using that tone all day, your child won’t stop.” So how do you quell yelling? Keep in mind, advises Morrish, discipline means: modelling positive attitudes and behaviour; giving kids values; supervising, structuring, directing and guiding. Then be patient with yourself. “Work on modulating your tone. And learn to move your feet, not your voice. Go where your child is; don’t yell at him from two rooms away.”

Originally published in Today's Parent, October 2006