Tween & Teen

True story: I’d gone out to dinner with a friend, her nine-year-old daughter and some of my own kids. Partway through the meal, the nine-year-old asked me where the washroom in the restaurant was. (Her mom was talking to one of my kids.) I pointed it out to her and off she went. When my friend noticed her daughter missing, she flipped out. She was furious with me for letting her daughter go to the washroom alone. Nine was too young for that, she insisted.

I wouldn’t have thought twice about it with my kids at that age. But it’s a potentially tricky area for any parent. How do you know how much independence is appropriate for a preteen? Is your child ready to go to the mall with friends, or stay at home alone, or ride a bus without you?

Calgary parent educator Judy Arnall, author of Discipline Without Distress, says “Some preteens are very proactive in pushing for more independence, and some are not interested at all. It depends on personality and temperament.”

Originally published in Today's Parent, September 2008