Tween & Teen

True or False:
☐ It’s against the law to leave a child home alone until he is 11 years old.
☐ You cannot leave a child to look after a younger sibling until he is 12, unless he has a babysitting licence.
☐ You will be charged with abandonment or neglect if you leave your seven-year-old unattended in a car.

Despite what all the parents in my neighbourhood would insist, all three statements are false. “The law is purposefully vague when it comes to choosing a specific age [for leaving children on their own] because there are many variables to take into consideration,” says Dave Fleming, assistant director of intake at the Children’s Aid Society of Toronto (see What the Law Says).

So how is a responsible parent to know what to do? Can you run to the store alone to get that bag of milk or should you take all three kids with you every time? Is it OK to leave your toddler in the car while you dash to the ATM or should you wait to have a helper at home before you do that errand?

The best guide is your common sense. Obviously, what’s appropriate for a 12-year-old is just plain nuts for a two-year-old. But when it comes to children in between, you’ve got to listen to your gut. “One 11-year-old may feel comfortable being left alone, and know what to do in case of an emergency, while another 11-year-old may feel nervous and unsure of himself,” points out Fleming. “Observant parents know their children and anticipate changes in development and abilities.”

Knowing your children’s natures becomes doubly important when you leave an older sibling in charge of a younger one. For example, if your toddler is climbing up the bookcases, it wouldn’t be wise to leave him for the entire evening with an older brother who tends to zone out when he’s watching TV. But a more placid three-year-old might be OK for an hour with the big brother who enjoys reading to him or lining up little toy cars in endless rows.

Renée-Ann Hay, a mother of three kids in Aurora, Ont., knows exactly what Fleming means. “I have twin girls, now 12, and a six-year-old son. Even though the girls are the same age, they have different personalities and different levels of maturity. I feel comfortable leaving one of the twins in charge of my younger son, but not the other. She’s just not ready yet, but together, it’s OK.”

Originally published in Today's Parent, April 2006