Tween & Teen

“My daughter Jocelyn* had been having difficulty with some of the girls at her school when she was in grade three, but when she went into grade four, there was a shy new girl named Michelle,” says Jennifer Lavalle.

“Michelle only spoke French, and Jocelyn’s spoken French wasn’t that good, but they became instant friends. They were kindred spirits.” But then, after the girls spent a happy school year together, Michelle and her parents moved more than an hour away at the beginning of the summer. “It was really hard on both girls, but hardest on Jocelyn because she was the one staying behind,” recalls Lavalle.

Friendships are important to preteens, and losing a close friend can be painful. Not only is it tough for you to see your child upset, but you worry about the best way to handle this situation. Should you encourage your child to stay in touch with absent friends — something email, IM and Skype make easier than ever? Or should you promote “moving on” and finding new friends?

Mavis Morton, mother of Calder, 11, and Aden, nine, moved about 100 kilometres from Whitby, Ont., to their new home in Guelph recently and says the boys had mixed feelings about the move. “Aden, in particular, had some trepidation about what was going to happen to his old friendships and wondered if he would be able to make new friends.”

Morton recalls one of her good friends saying to the boys: “This just means that every time you visit, it will be a sleepover.” That comment gave them something fun to anticipate (who doesn’t love a sleepover?), but Morton believes it is her own philosophy of maintaining connections that helped the most. “I have friends from grade one that I still see,” Morton says. “I make a point of keeping in touch and I believe that’s important. My sons have seen this, so they believed me when I promised that I would help them keep in contact with their old friends.”

*Name changed by request.

Originally published in Today's Parent, April 2010