Tween & Teen

1. If you’ve ever dreamed of your child learning a second language, that wish is granted. At age 12, children suddenly acquire the ability to teenspeak.

Among girls, teenspeak sounds like: “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I am so like totally freaking out!” Roughly translated, this means either “My goodness. Here is my friend Ashley. I haven’t seen her for a whole 25 minutes” or “Hmm...there appears to be a blemish forming on my nose and I am going to have to walk by Jeremy Willenstein’s locker today.” For boys, teenspeak usually consists of a series of grunts that can mean anything from “Is there food?” to “Is there food?”

There is a downside associated with your child learning this second language. For the next 10 years, he will appear to have forgotten how to speak his first one. But do not under any circumstances be tempted to learn to converse with your teen in his second tongue. The only thing less cool than a parent who doesn’t teenspeak is one who does.

2. If you don’t like the mood your young teen is in, wait 30 minutes. It will change.

3. Never again will you be alarmed to realize you’re singing The Wiggles out loud and the kids aren’t even with you. Instead, you’ll find yourself singing Usher. Which may be more alarming.

4. If you’re worried about your young teen’s crush on Robert, Emile or Justin, or Madison, Ruby or Lauren, wait 30 minutes. It will change.

5. After years of denying yourself, there’s now designer perfume on your bathroom shelf. Maybe even Oakley sunglasses by the door. Of course, they belong to your teen. But if you’re lucky, she may let you borrow.

6. Young teens are at the perfect age to enjoy family fun — old enough to travel without fuss and fighting, and young enough to be prepared to be seen with the folks. This stage won’t last long, so be sure to…oops, missed it.

Originally published in Today's Parent, April 2010