Tween & Teen

Sometimes preteen independence is thrust upon you. "The day my 10-year-old took his backet of neatly folded laundry and threw it onto his bed upside down, because he couldn't navigate through the piles of Lego constructions to put his clothes in the drawers, was they day I decided he was old enough to do his own laundry," says Roberta Black*.

Other times, the route is more gradual. “My kids know that we all need to contribute in order to run a family,” says Christine Latter Stratton, the mother of four, including 11-year-old Grace and nine-year-old Lily. “At this age, I am adding responsibilities both at home and at school, as I see they are ready for them.”

Not only do parents need their kids to contribute (and at this age, they can actually be quite helpful), but preteens need to start learning the skills that will be essential as they become responsible for themselves.

Latter Stratton believes it’s best to start with small jobs that will actually help the family — things like making their own beds, putting dirty clothes in the hamper and feeding the dog. “I’m also expecting more from them when it comes to school. I do have a calendar on the fridge and I remind them about gym class and band, but I expect them to do more to keep track of their homework and other things.”

The emphasis is on safety and contributing to the household. For that to work, Latter Stratton believes children have to be reminded of the big picture. “Kids have to realize that the not-so-fun jobs are often what we need the most help with. Making homemade pizza from scratch is a fun way to spend a Friday night, and can be helpful, but the girls may not want to spend all of Saturday morning cleaning the flour and dough off every kitchen surface,” she explains. “On the other hand, cleanup is part of the big picture of meal preparation, so they need to help with it.”

*Names changed by request.

Originally published in Today's Parent, May 2007