School Age

Robyn Snider was at work when she got the call from her son’s school: Josh, an outgoing fifth grader, had been suspended for bullying. Snider was shocked. Just a few years back, when he was suffering health problems, Josh had been bullied himself. So how had this happened? And what should she do?

As much as we hope our kids won’t become targets of bullies, the reverse is also true — no parent wants the B-word slapped on their little angel. Yet since you don’t see your child interacting all day at school, you just may find yourself in Snider’s position. In case you are, here’s how to handle yourself — and your child’s bullying behaviour.

Take cues

Even if you haven’t received that dreaded phone call, there may be signs you can recognize at home. Always keep your eyes and ears open for any unusually aggressive behaviour, says Chris Hinkle, founder of Firm Foundations, a Barrie, Ont., organization specializing in the prevention of bullying and workplace violence. The sooner you catch what’s going on, she says, the sooner you can put a stop to it.

Watch for red flags like heavy-handed superiority, intolerance of differences and a consistent lack of empathy. For example, is your son bossing around his sister more than usual or picking on her incessantly (nicknaming her Shrimp, laughing when she trips) — especially when you’re not around? You should also be concerned if your child starts coming home with extra money or new objects you’ve never seen before, adds Alexandra Penn of Champions Against Bullying in Toronto, who recently co-authored the interactive CD The No-Nonsense Guide to Kids’ Bullying Solutions. “Right away,” she says, “you should ask where he got that stuff.”

Originally published in Today's Parent, March 2008