School Age

Judy Walker* swears her son Peter has been a hoarder since before he could walk: “When he first started to crawl, he’d always have a toy in each hand and one in his mouth. We could hear him coming — clunk, clunk, shuffle, clunk, clunk. He’d get frustrated because he couldn’t carry all of his toys with him at once.”

At eight years old, Peter still wants to hang on to all his possessions. “He has a stack of candy wrappers on his dresser,” Walker says. “Candy wrappers! What is he going to do with those? But if I throw any of them out, he has a fit.”

Patricia Wallace, a psychologist and assistant professor at the University of Lethbridge, says: “Most children simply want more and more possessions,” she explains, and the hoarders don’t want to give up any of their accumulated treasures. Sometimes children hold on to items because they have meaningful memories to them — and to a six-year-old, the rock he picked up while walking home from school can be meaningful, even if it looks like every other rock in his mom’s eyes. They might imagine they’ll make a craft with the item — someday.

While the tendency to hoard things can show up at any age, Wallace says it often becomes more noticeable in six- to eight-year-olds because they are trying to fit in with their peers and feel the pressure to “keep up with the Joneses.” In the classroom, that often means having the latest collectible card, all the books in a popular series, or whatever current fad is hot. These collections can grow surprisingly fast.

In some cases, Wallace explains, extreme hoarding can be a sign that children need more human interaction. “Hoarders can accumulate possessions to feel like there is something special in their lives,” according to Wallace. Their possessions represent comfort, love and security to them, so they are reluctant to give anything up. It may be a problem if your child seems to hold on to things just for the sake of having them: He never plays with or uses any of the items, isn’t interested in organizing them, but still can’t bear to part with anything. (If you’re concerned about the hoarder in your family, consider having your child see a psychologist.)

But the average child who likes to create collections isn’t on the road to becoming one of those people you read whose house is so full of junk it becomes unlivable. Here’s how to help you manage his collection.

Give things away.
Walker noted that Peter had boxes of preschooler toys he no longer played with. “I had a friend with three-year-old twin boys, who then had another baby,” Walker says. “I convinced Peter to give the toys to the twins so they’d have some new things to play with while their mother was looking after the baby. He wasn’t very happy about it, but he agreed.” You can also try donating items to charity.

Get organized.
“Peter likes rocks,” says Walker. “They don’t even have to be pretty rocks.” So Walker got a large wooden box that fits under Peter’s bed, and now at least the rocks are all in one place. She also found containers for his large collections of Matchbox cars.

Whittle down to the best.
If your daughter has saved every picture she painted in kindergarten, suggest that the two of you pick out your five favourites and keep those in a scrapbook.

Make something out of it.
Treasured T-shirts could become a quilt to hang on the wall over your child’s bed or to cover a doll cradle. Paint rocks to make gifts for the family. Change that Popsicle stick collection into a crafty treasure box. You get the idea.

Take a picture.
One eight-year-old boy I know was always asking for new Lego because he wanted to keep everything he made from the snap-together blocks. His mom finally suggested taking photos of his creations, and now he’s proud of his Lego album. This trick works well with art collections, too.

By taking one of these middle-of-the road approaches, you show respect for your hoarder’s need to collect — while keeping a lid on his treasure box.

* Family’s name changed by request.

March 2003