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What to do when your child won't speak

At first these parents thought their children's reluctance was simple shyness. But they soon learned that dealing with selective mutism is never simple

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Originally published in Today's Parent December 2011

Collaboration is key

If families are offered treatment through the school, a speech-language pathologist is often brought in. “Speech-language pathologists have much to offer these kids, but selective mutism is not primarily a speech and language issue — it’s a mental health issue,” says McHolm. “A collaborative approach involving parents, caregivers and various professionals works best.”

Finding those professional collaborators can be a difficult task. After watching a documentary featuring Elisa Shipon-Blum, director of the Selective Mutism Anxiety Research and Treatment Center in Philadelphia, Carrie Moore shelled out $700 for a one-hour phone consultation. “She gave us concrete strategies,” she says. “It was the best money I ever spent.”

Progress and Recovery

Parents like Moore know that they don’t have time to lose. “Early intervention is best,” says McHolm. “Kids don’t just outgrow it. The longer the problem persists, the harder it is to overcome. I see 16-year-olds who have been mute their whole school career. By then, the possibility of peer friendships, post-secondary school and a romantic relationship seems daunting.”

Fortunately, with a lot of hard work, kids can improve. Now that Ellie is six, Mason still does her program at school. “Ellie talks more with classmates on the playground and with neighbours,” she says. “With all the work we’ve put into this, the progress is pretty small.” As Ellie tells her mom, “I try to talk, but my mouth won’t make the sounds. My words are stuck.”

Carrie Moore sees her son blossoming. At a recent school performance, Joshua, now eight, sang a song — complete with hand motions. “I cried through the whole thing. The selective mutism is still there but much better,” she says. Nonetheless, she wonders why it was so challenging to get help. “This has been my life. I’d go to sleep thinking about how I could help my son the next day. It’s frustrating I had to figure this all out myself.”

And three years after his diagnosis, Tyler Hudson, now 5½, is “doing fine,” says his mom. “He’s hard on himself though. We’re paying attention to watching his anxiety — it’s always in the back of our minds.”

Read on: Is my child shy? | Selective Mutism statistics | Resources

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