Is there such a thing as "smart" spanking?

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I am 33 yrs old and I was spanked with the belt as a child. I have no symptoms that these doctors are mentioning.I am now a mother and I spank my daughter when she is out of line. I will never abuse the spanking like some parents do. I love my daughter to the end of time, but when she is out of line, she gets her bum spanked in public or at home. Kids think they can get away with anything and that is why this generation can do what ever they want because there are no repercussions. Half the stuff the kids/teenagers do today are disrespectful to themselves and to others. I am not saying every kid needs a spanking. If it is the last solution then I say "yes". I don'tknow if it a West Indian thing but my generation and the generations before me all got spankings. That is how we disciplined in our family

Violence breeds violence, anger and agression. I grew up in this kind of environment and believe me, it is not the way to discipline your child; we never forget and some of us never forgive. Remember the old addage: treat others as you would have others treat you. And one more piece of advice to those parents considering hitting their child when they don't do what they want: children use their parents as models of behaviour so if you don't want your child to use violence to fix their problems or express their frustration, then curb yours! I don't like to judge how others raise their children because I am not in their situations but I have no patience for parents who use corporal punishment.

i think giving your child a spanking is ok but as long as it is the last resort

I believe that under NO circumstances should you hit your child in anyway, shape or form. Myself personally resort to age appropriate time-outs. A minute of time-out on the "time-out" chair for each year of their age....(example: if they are 2...2 mins)

I hope I won't see an article about how to properly use spanking because there is nothing proper about hitting another human being; especially the one who is learning to trust the adults who take care of him/her and with this trust will learn to get out to the big world in confidence. Children who learn to avoid spanking (behave in the desired way for the parent) will wonder if they do the right thing since they have not learned what the right thing is. They know they can get smacked for doing something someone else doesn't like. People think spanking works because it stops the child in surprise, but it doesn't work in the long run. We can teach the right things so we don't have to use spanking when we slow down, focus on our children and spend time to understand where they are coming from. They are learning, exploring, that is their drive, they are supposed to do that. They are not trying to piss us off. This is where I would use the word "appropriately": parent appropriately and the kids will turn out great (not spank appropriately!).

In 31 nations, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child. The US also has the highest incarceration rate in the world.

The US states with the highest crime rates, poorest academic performance, highest obesity rates and health problems, and largest public welfare burdens are also the ones with the highest rates of child corporal punishment.

Of all the things prison inmates lacked in their upbringing, "spanking" certainly wasn't one of them.

There is simply no evidence to suggest that child/adolescent/teenage-only "spanking" instills virtue.

In light of Judge Adams video,

We often hear from those who fight to uphold this practice for those under the age of 18 (even to the blaming of the social maladies of the day on a supposed "lack" of it), but we rarely, if ever, find advocates for the return of corporal punishment to the general adult community, college campuses, inmate population, or military. Why is that?

Ask ten unyielding proponents of child/adolescent/teenage-only "spanking" about the "right" way to do it, and what would be abusive, indecent, or obscene, and you will get ten different answers.

These proponents should consider making their own video-recording of the "right way" to do it.

Visit Unlimited Justice or Parents and Teachers Against Violence in Education to learn more and add your voice.

I don't really condone spanking as a disciplinary tool, but I have given my kids a swat before. My two older girls (4, 10) both have quite explosive tempers and become cokpletely unresponsive to any attempt to calm them down. If the behaviour gets completely out of control and I give them a swat on the butt, they sort of snap out of it and I can talk to them about whatever upset them in the first place. I know it seems counter-intuitive, as they are already upset and you would assume that laying hands on them in any way would upset them more, but I am not talking about a beating here or even something that would leave lasting impression. It's literally something unexpected, that gives them pause, like "oh...what was that?" and suddenly they will answer me when I say "what happened?" It is like they suddenly realize that there I am in the room with them and they aren't dealing with whatever it was alone.

I don't really condone spanking as a disciplinary tool, but I have given my kids a swat before. My two older girls (4, 10) both have quite explosive tempers and become cokpletely unresponsive to any attempt to calm them down. If the behaviour gets completely out of control and I give them a swat on the butt, they sort of snap out of it and I can talk to them about whatever upset them in the first place. I know it seems counter-intuitive, as they are already upset and you would assume that laying hands on them in any way would upset them more, but I am not talking about a beating here or even something that would leave lasting impression. It's literally something unexpected, that gives them pause, like "oh...what was that?" and suddenly they will answer me when I say "what happened?" It is like they suddenly realize that there I am in the room with them and they aren't dealing with whatever it was alone.

lisaruss@rogers.com
I LOVE your post !!!!!!!!!

I think it's useful to consider that all children are different and that methods of discipline used for some children do not work for all.

It's wrong to hit a person - period. For goodness sake, we know it's unacceptable to hit animals to correct unwanted behaviour! How is it ok to to hit a child? If an adult hits another adult it's considered physical assault. At what age does it become unacceptable to hit another human being because you want to change what they are doing? I have never understood how an adult calmy hits (hurts!) a child. I am disappointed and dismayed to read that so many parents think that hitting a child is an effective "tool" for discipline. If you make a decision not to hit your child, you will find other ways to deal with behaviour issues. The question isn't even about whether or not it was done to you as a child and you feel that it didn't really hurt you. It does hurt to be smacked or slapped or spanked and it can be humiliating. It robs a child of dignity and it teaches that child that if you don't like something someone else is doing, it's okay to hit them. Spanking does not stop repeat of the same behaviour. So how do you up the ante next time - smack harder? Spank longer? As a child care worker, my contract clearly states immediate dismissal for any form of corporal punishment, or isolation or shaming of a child in my care. It takes creativity and patience to come up with solutions to unwanted behaviour, but it can easily be done when hitting is not an option. Often all it takes is a quick explanation and redirection of the child. Young children do not have the cognitive ability to generalize. This means they will repeat behaviours over and over again in numerous situations because they do not understand that the result will be the same everytime they do it. This cognitive ability to generalize, is not developed until around age 10. Children need repetition and reminders of appropriate behaviour over and over again throughout their growing years. I did not learn this through study of early childhood education; I first learned it from a parenting book that I read before my own daughters were born. Parenting my daughters and working with children outside of my home reinforces this knowledge for me every day. There information is out there and readily available for parents. And it is not a "new" way of thinking. Contrary to what many parents believe, there have been parents for generations who did not hit their children. One of my close friends was never hit by his parents as a child. His mother is 78 years old and she was raised in a household with 6 siblings. Her parents never hit any of their children - and they all grew up to be responsible, successful(and polite!) adults who raised their own children without hitting them. As parents it is our responsibility to model appropriate behaviour for our children. Is it possible to never lose your cool? Of course not, but we can admit our mistakes, apologize and find many more appropriate ways to deal with our own anger and frustration and in so doing teach our children self-discipline.

This is one of the worst articles i have read on spanking. It is very biased and references as study that has very little relevance. Choosing families who responsibly spank and parent would make much more sense. Spanking is NOT abuse. Abuse is WRONG and comes from a different place. This association with spanking and abuse has led to the huge social shift away from spanking (which use to be totally acceptable). Spanking can also complement a parenting style that is proactive and preventative instead of defensive and reactive. Loving, gentle parents can establish authority with their little ones that don't have the ability to reason or recognize natural consequences so that when they are a bit older, those tools can replace spanking in a home where the loving authority is respected. Please don't marginalize parents that spank by associating it with wrong and bad parenting. Why don't you publish an article about how to properly use spanking instead.

It really bothers me that the as yet unfinished results of a single study "prove" that parents that use corporal punishment do it on impulse. While I do not doubt that the parents in question used corporal punishment on impulse [as stated, it was caught on tape], one really cannot generalize results based on such a small demographic. And just for the record - since the whole stigma of spanking being the worst thing that a parent could do to a child came about, I personally have noticed significantly more instances of kids having the attitude of being able to get away with anything short of murder due to a lack of undesirable consequences. Time out? More like a quick break.

When I was a child I was spanked but rarely, and usually it didn't so much hurt, but it was the shock of it and not liking it. My Hubby was spanked once or twice with a spoon, but again, not hard enough to case any real damage. Both of us have loving, respectful and wonderful relationships with our mothers. It was more the threat and we were given the 1.2.3 approach and the shaking of the drawer. I feel now that using an object to discipline your child is unacceptable and I wouldn't do that but I have given my son a swat on the bum when he's potentially injured himself (i.e. taking the safety latches off the electric sockets...etc) and I have used it as a way to get him to stop doing something (if you don't stop by the time I get to three, you'll get a smack on the bum) but usually and lately, the time out method as worked first. I don't believe that when used by a calm parent and not hard enough to bruise, break skin or case any kind of real harm it will make your child see you as a bully. I see it way to many times when children from the "spank-less" society are belligerent and rude. Most don't even know me and they will give me attitude when asked simple questions. How is that good parenting? perhaps they're parents didn't use any punishments, who really knows. All I know is that my son is one of the most well behaved two years I've seen... and I've seen a lot of them.

The part where a mother hit her child for turning the page too early is obviously a case of repressed anger and she should be seeing a therapist for her problems... teaching your child using calm words and showing would have been more appropriate in that case.

This article doesn't prove anything, only that it supports your own believes. All the power to you if your children listen to you with out even a threat of a bum smack... Kudos to you, but don't make a mass judgement on all parents who spank when there aren't even any true statistics in this article. My child loves me , despite getting an occasional spank and there is no way that he is afraid of me.

What kind of an idiot can't quickly figure out and say to their child "if you turn the page again I will stop reading the story" and then follow through with that consequence. They were probably spanked as a child for the same lack of reason and therefore feel it is normal without realizing what they are doing. The biggest problem is that most parents rely on what's easy and they think works like bribing, making empty threats, or yelling/hitting because that was how they were raised. Being consistent and following through on logical consequences is the best way to meaningfully teach your children right from wrong and what is expected from them. Don't be lazy, think about what your doing and invest a little energy into your interactions with your children and it will pay off. Sure spanking probably works but do you want your children to be obedient because they fear you or do want to be obedient because they feel loved based on mutual respect?

Abuse of power against the children is ALWAYS abuse....there's no such a thing as LIMITATIONS IN how much I have to spank my kid...no sense...its a lazy way to stop a behaviour that we can improve with a little bit of patience and in the long one.... will be worth it the try....

I had a great time growing but the spanking was there, and thats something that I will never forget.

It is not good to spank kids no matter the reazons, there are soooooo many ways to deal with it , but spanking is not a good resource.

Kids get traumatized, even if its just not all the time..

There is no reason to hit a child. Spanking is hitting. Those who spank can try and justify that it isn't hitting but you will never convince me that it is. You are striking your child and just because it is on the butt it doesn't make it OK. I am appalled to read that some people feel that spanking is necessary in raising a child. My son will be 13 in less than a month and I have NEVER spanked him or struck him in any manner. People often comment on what a nice, well behaved boy he is. My mom told me that there will be a time when my ds is about 8 or 9 and I will spank him because it will need to be done because all else will have failed. Sorry mom, you were wrong. I was spanked once as child in grade 2 and my mom did it because "everything else had failed". It was painful, hand on bare bottom several times. As for those who do spank and want to stop, it really isn't that challenging. You make a promise to yourself to stop spanking your child. If you don't know of alternatives to spanking as a form of discipline take some positive parenting classes.
When my son went through a hitting phase around age 3 I was confident in my belief that spanking wasn't right because after he hit me I would ask him, "Do I hit you?" His answer was always NO.
If I had believed that spanking was acceptable his answer would have been YES. I just can't fathom spanking/hitting the person I love more than anything in this world.

Crystal

I agree that any kind of discipline done in anger is capable of "damaging' a child. My husband and I made the decision to spank our children when they deliberately disobey us. We agree that we will not spank our children in the heat of the moment but send them to their room until we all have a moment to calm down and relax. I personally feel that instead of yelling or screaming at my children, I would rather discipline in a calm manner in which I can control myself and my emotions. Fortunately, with this approach so far, we haven't had to spank very often and have children who are quite obedient, most of the time (one on the way though, so you never know). I know people who spank and it doesn't prove to be a effective form of discipline and I know people who don't spank and it is a form of discipline. The key, in my opinion, is to be consistent with what form of discipline you do and ABOVE ALL ELSE, love your children, spend time with them and communicate how important they are to you - which includes some form of discipline.

I believe that it is the USE of the spanking that determines its worth. If the child has been given other forms of discipline, and is still not getting the point then a spank is in order. I also believe that ONE is enough! 1 is for them, 2 is for you, and 3 is abuse! If the Child is doing something dangerous a Spanking is in order! Especially if it stops them dead in their tracks. I believe there are people that abuse spanking there children. But I also believe that it is necessary in some situations.

I am sure that if there is any negative change in behaviour amongst youths today in comparison to those from generations past it has to do with many factors relating to a changing society than just the fact that less people spank their kids. In fact, based on many of the comments here, a lot of people still spank their kids. I would like to see proof that not spanking children has anything to do with unruly behaviour.
I think many kids and teenagers rebel whether or not they have been spanked as children - it's in their nature as they struggle for control and learn to think for themselves.
I think it's sad that so many of those commenting have such negative things to say about young people. I live in a city with 2 Universities and 1 College and I know plenty of bright young people who deserve more respect and faith than they are getting here.

No but back then they would use spanking to extremes, using belts, wooden spoons, slapping kids in the face ect. But now days there are some limitations.

"I smoked for 30 years and never got lung cancer."

So...I guess smoking isn't bad for you either, right?

how many morally sound and capable young people do you know these days? As far as I can see the "young people" that arent spanked are rebellious disrespectful brats. There are other methods of discipline but spanking should not be ruled out because a few families were studied and used spanking for the wrong reasons.

Your article only includes parents that cant control themselves when spanking. I believe that spanking is required as a last result, and when its controlled. I'm sorry, but I have seen the kids these days that dont get spanked, just 'talked to' or put on time out. The are disrespectful and walk all over their parents. Specially when they become teenagers. They dont fear their parents, they know nothing's going to happen to them. Specially now that we as parents cant even raise our voices to our kids anymore! Whats the worse that could happen if they do something bad? Ooooo my parents are going to lecture me...or ground me. Those kids normally open their bedroom windows and go out with their friends anyway. And then what are you going to do? Lecture them and ground them again? Most of you parents that dont spank their child and think its working out fine either dont have teenagers or 9- 13 year olds yet, or youre lucky that your child hasn't had that bad outside influence yet that makes them test you. Because thats when you see the results of your disciplinary tactics. You keep giving your toddler time outs and calm explinations, with a hug at the end everytime they do something wrong, its your child! But then talk to us when their teenagers and see if it paid off.

I don't think that any form of discipline should be conducted in anger. It's then that the heat of the moment can spiral things out of control. Children can be hurt mentally, emotionally and/or physically when punishment is dispensed arbitrarily and while emotions are overriding the decision making process. I would advocate a cooling off period for all parties involved before disciplining. If they are doing something wrong stop them, if they are danger get them safe but leave the disciplining for after you've cooled down. As for spanking, that is a personal decision

I'm confused as to why some people think that either you spank your child or you are letting your child be the boss. There are other methods of discipline and ways to teach children right from wrong other than spanking. I would imagine that a lot of children who grow up with "a sense of entitlement" have learned this attitude from their own parents and not from any lack of spanking.
I think it's shameful to say that spanking children in order to save them from danger is ok. Keep your children close and you will not have to worry about them running out into the street or touching a hot stove. I have never left my 2 1/2 year old alone long enough to put herself into any danger and if I had, well shame on me. I'm sorry, but my lack of attention would not warrant a spanking.
Jayne Peterson - I am sure there are plenty of disrespectful, entitled, lazy people out there who WERE spanked as children. Once again, not spanking children does not mean they are not disciplined. Some parents are just capable of finding other, more creative ways to discipline.

I think the author of this either a- doesnt spend any time having to raise and disapline his children if he feels yelling and spanking is not a normal part of parenting or b- has wild children and is ok with that with no disipline.

I have read the article, and read the comments, it appears that there are still parents out there that support spanking. I was spanked with a wooden spoon and my Mum would rattle the drawer, as Athena said she did or does, I am fine, we actually chuckle now at how fast I would start to behave when that drawer was opened, it wasn't used frequently but when it was the point was taken. If you choose not to spank or slap your child that is fine. I have spanked on occasion, I have 3 children, I use other forms of disipline first, they get spoken to, they have a choice given to them ie: if you don't stop said behaviour and a consequence is given and then I say its your choice as to what you do, things may be taken away and such, however sometimes a spank is given. What I would like to know is, what is worse a parent that gives the occasional controlled spank or the parent that let's their child be the boss, do what they want when they want and a blind eye is turned when the child misbehaves, I see more and more kids getting away with disrespectful and unacceptable behaviour. It will be interesting to see this discussion when our kids are parents themselves.

Forgive me - let me pretend to be objective for a moment to get this straight. You are taking a study of angry parents which originated with them yelling and found that spanking or slapping took place in many of those circumstances. Fair enough - you comment that sometimes parents lose their tempers, and yes, we all do. But how is it that from this study on anger, you are able to decide that spanking is not a tool for calm parents to use? Seems to me a more appropriate study to make that inference would be one in which a calm parent spanks or does not spank his or her child, and what the outcomes of each circumstance. I don't see this article as being objective journalism - you have written your own viewpoint here.

"...most of the hitting was impulsive — a frustrated parent’s angry, unmeditated response to the child’s offending action, as opposed to anything that could possibly be construed as an attempt to teach the child something..."
This I've been guilty of - as an overtired, frustrated, young mother. Thankfully as a maturing parent, I've come to understand and practise spanking (on the rear-end, which I don't equate to random hitting) as a disciplinary tool. Yes, a method in training my children on serious issues. Spanking is abuse when it meets the needs of the angry parent. Spanking is discipline when it meets the need of the child. The latter is 'smart spanking'. I see nothing in this study nor this article that speaks of this type of spanking.

I grew up with the occasional "corporate" punishment as did my husband. We both have wonderful relationships with our parents as well as each others parents. I completely respect my parents and my husbands parents and am friends with them on as I am friends with my peers. We were both raised in God believing families and are both very successful in our respective medical professions. We will soon have 3 children under the age of 4. They are complimented whenever we go out, in particular when we are out to eat. We bring them to 5 star restaurants where kids are usually not seen and mom and pop restaurants alike. We have not had any issues with keeping them sitting and eating at restaurants for the course of the meal or had any episodes of tantrums on public outings, which we frequently go on. My 4 year old daughter has had at least 9 round trip flights for various vacations since she was born- her first being at 6 weeks old with no behavioural issues. We do very selectively use "corporate punishment" after the "time outs" have failed and have a rule that we do not spank immediately after a child has done something wrong. (Unlike how we are taught in dog-training courses to correct something wrong with a collar tug right away). Our children are not dogs and understand when we give them a reason why they shouldn't do something. If they are warned and disobey the second time, we follow up with the opposite parent taking the child to get "corporate" punishment- Thus eliminating the anger factor. Our kids are not angels by far but they have learned to listen. In fact, I am positive I have one of the most strong-willed children out there but she too has learned to listen effectively. The "corporate" punishment is very rare in our household because we use it when we believe it will be effective. That being said, "Smart" punishment does exist Mr. Hoffman.

Let see how kids view this...
"You're hitting me for hitting someone, to teach me that hitting people is wrong."
It doesn't make sense to ME and I'm an adult!
When you're 5x the size of someone and you put your hands on them, and they can't fight back, you are a BULLY.
Hitting your child on the hand or bum so you can "feel it too" is nothing at all like it feels to the child. You're the one dishing out the punishment, not being subjected to violence and humiliation like your child is.
If you can't handle your kids without hitting them, maybe you need to give them to someone that has GROWN UP.
Keep your hands to yourself!

I'm with your Mr. Hoffman, all spanking does is show a child that when I lose my temper I can't control my actions. What an awful message to send kids. I've never struck my children and never will, but I have walked outside, screamed in a pillow or cried in the bathroom because I'm so frustrated. Being a parent is difficult and challenging but it is our responsibility to keep our children safe and protected.

I am somewhere in the middle of all of this. I grew up where spanking was allowed I had an awesome relationship with my mom and I could talk my way out of almost anything and I still can. So when it came my turn to make the choice how to raise my children I spoke to my husband and he agreed that if needs be, a spanking with the hand on the bum was ok, that way you could feel it too. Well I could never bring myself to do it as in the you go to your room and think about it and I will be there in a minute, and then you go in and spank them, I can't even stand the word. I have however swatted both of my boys when I just couldn't get their attention any other way. I do not do the stall tactic of 1,2,3 but I will repeat myself and my tone changes the second time. I showed them at an early age when my tone changes it wasn't a threat anymore, the way I did that was actually stopping what I was doing (dishes, TV, computer, ect.) and getting on their level. Now they know when to stop. I was hoping that people commenting would also say things about other unacceptable disciplines. Like I hate to admit this but soap in the mouth for lying, my child's lying story included that he had a knife and cut the couch...... ummm yeah right they are all up out of reach, he is 4 by the way. Well my husband delt with it and soap in the mouth was the discipline, keeping in mind since school started there have been lots of lying to us, after all was done it didn't feel right I still think would spanking him have been better or the soap, or neither, you certainly cannot suggest that a time out would have been sufficient for this or can you? The only moment commenting people agreed to swatting is when you lost your childs attention and I know that does happen because their world is so small that when things are out of place it is such a big deal they can't cope and you can't teach any lessons while their attention is lost. You can't just say I don't agree with spanking and leave it at that, well you can, but what generation are we going to produce? I come from the quick self gratification generation and I will admit it, it sucks for me, I have to always have the new best thing and constantly be reminded I matter and did a great job, I DO NOT want to produce that. I want the old school where yes you did a good job, you didn't win so lets work harder so next time you can win. So if my oldest kicks the youngest because he didn't win at Mario you bet I am going to swat him back and he will not be playing games for the rest of the day. And my last comment is if you have children that you do not or did not need to swat to an age appropriate, consider yourself lucky!! sometimes it is just personality.

Morally sound, Capable, Impressive unspanked young people? Ha! You mean the disrespectful, entitled lazy unspanked young people. Corporal punishment is a tool, it teaches young people that there are lines you simply do not cross if you're not prepared to suffer the consequences. Corporal punishment is most definitely a disciplinary tool, and a nessicary one, ask any parent with the guts to admit they're 'not perfect'.
Authority will always exist and we will all always be expected to respect that authority. If my child runs into the street, I will spank him, because if I don't teach him to stay out of the street he could DIE. If my child swears at me I will spank her, because if I don't teach her respect she will fail in life. In doing so I am doing my JOB as a parent, preparing my children for the real world where everyone is NOT a winner your fellow adults are not going to get down on your level and respect your self esteem. End of story.
We live in Canada, Mr.Hoffman, Not Sweden. Our social and economical issues are different and thus the parenting styles of another society are not applicable here, as far as I can see.
I do not doubt that parents in Sweden spank behind closed doors much as parents do here, perhaps the closed door is the problem more than the actual spanking. Causing parents to feel shame for disciplining their children creates a distance between parents where they should be sharing with eachother their downfalls and triumphs and taking their cues from other parents.
So spare me any more talk about permanent damage, the thousands of morally sound, hard working, capable grandparents around these days are all the proof I need that sometimes you've got to spank a kid to raise 'em right.

Yes, but it needs to be done out of love, not anger! My son gets the occasional spanking and I think they really shows him that mommy is serious when I tell him (not) to do something and that he must obey his mommy (and daddy). When I spank him I tell him first that he is getting one, why he needs one, and then afterwards I tell him that I love him and we hug. This is not abuse, but loving discipline that I think more children need these days. A spanking often goes a lot farther than words (just telling them not to do what they are doing) with a 2 or 3 year old.
But hitting out of anger is never acceptable and that is when you will teach children to hit. If you teach them that only mommy and daddy can spank and that it is only done when they are being disobedient you will not have a child who feels abused or who learns to hit. Myself and my siblings were spanked as children and I never ONCE felt abused or unloved.

I'd like to see information on how to help those of us who do on occasion react impulsively. It's NOT something I want to do, but feel I need to have something STOP my immediate reaction when my child physically hurts me even by accident and I swat back.....it's instinctual, but I'm NOT happy about it. Yes, you will say they are being physical, because I've shown them some physical behaviour and they think it's acceptable. I'm always able to apologize afterward and explain that it's not acceptable and that I reacted on impulse, but I'd rather stop it in it's tracks. Please help!

It is never ok to hit a child is any way shape or form. You are teaching nothing but "its ok to hit someone when they are bad or do not listen" I have worked in a womans shelter and been in an abusive relationship... This just makes sense.. I understand parents get upset and can do things they regret and that happens.... but hitting a child because they turned a page in a book... WHAT is that teaching?? Nothing... to fear the parent.. simple as that.. Here is a helpful link... please don't hit your child... it only teaches them to be afraid of you and when they are older... they will have no respect anyway because you hit them...

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/spanking/10-reasons...

Discipline and abuse , that's we're the line is. Seems like over the years some parents forgot where to draw the line and we found ourselves with this lifelong debate. My parents slapped me on the bumb when i was out of line and I learned the difference between right and wrong. I wasn't abused , my parents loved me more than anything and I knew that. There is definetly a difference between a slap on the bumb or hand and a slap to the face or giving your beloved child a black eye. It's up to parents as role models to also know when to draw the line.

I was spanked as a child and while I "turned out OK" and have a successful career and loving family life, there are definitely residual scars. I have a fear of getting in trouble, STILL, as an adult. If I think I've done something "wrong" even at work, I get highly defensive or feel a myriad of negative feelings about myself. I think breaking that cycle has been my greatest achievement as a parent!

It seems to me that this "study" has not included enough investigation. I have occasionally spanked my children, mostly for protective reasons, a slight swat on the hand to tell them no, don't touch the candle or something like that. I don't believe in spanking out of frustration or anger. I also don't believe that parents should be negotiating with their young children. As a daycare provider, I am responsible for raising many children over the years, and the parents that do not enforce dicipline, who try to reason and be friends with their children, have the most difficult children. They do not know how to resolve conflicts, they have more tantrums, do not share well, and are more aggressive and violent, especially with their own parents, because they don't tell them no. They have more trouble adapting to school and socializing with the other kids because they don't play by the "regular" rules. All this leads to them thinking the world owes them everything and I think creates the bullies of today, who aren't bullying because they are being abused, but more because they have no respect for their parents or anyone else.

Sorry - I meant "2 1/2 year old and 4 month old". ahhhhhh....sleep deprivation.

Just because those of us who were spanked turned out alright doesn't mean it's a useful or fair discipline tool. It essentially creates fear in children and doesn't actually teach them why their actions are wrong. All spanking teaches our children is that hitting is an option to getting a desired result. I'm sure that as adults in the year 2011 we can come up with more creative ways to teach, guide, and discipline our children. (I say this as a mom of a 2 1/2 and 4 month old)