Defiance
Preschoolers often use defiance to assert independence
You’re saying no to a cookie before lunch, or insisting that he be strapped into the car seat before you leave the driveway. Your four-year-old folds his arms, digs in his heels and declares, “You’re not the boss of me!”
So now what do you do?
Take a deep breath. While preschool defiance is terribly frustrating, it’s a sign of normal development, says Victoria parent educator Allison Rees. “Defiance is all about independence. Kids are realizing ‘Hey, I have ideas. I have things I don’t want to do.’”
Power struggles
Defiance can lead us straight into power struggles — the kind that tend to end with both the parent and child in tears. “It can also lead to a sense of urgency about gaining some control over our kids,” says Rees. “We tend to think: ‘If he acts this way now, what’s he going to be like as a teenager?’”
The last thing you want to do is tighten the belt and get tough, she says. Obedience isn’t all it’s cracked up to be; after all, we want to raise a child who has the gumption to stand firm in the face of peer pressure down the road. “It’s healthy for kids to begin to unplug from us — to start thinking for themselves, making their own choices.”
Offer choices
Dealing with defiance is a matter of thinking creatively about how we can give our kids more independence, not less. There are lots of opportunities throughout the day to offer your child choices (“Would you like French toast or pancakes for breakfast?” “Do you think you’d like to wear your sneakers or your sandals to the park?”). Having plenty of experiences where she has a choice satisfies her need for independence, so that when there’s no choice, she’s less likely to defy.
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What do you think?
Tabitha (not verified) says ....
This article hit the nail on the head! Thank you for the ideas on how to deal with this issue and thnk you for showing me I'm not the only one going through this!