Preschooler toilet troubles
Why some kids still face potty challenges — and why it's not as unusual as you might think
Nicolas Faure/Getty Images
While most children use the potty or toilet by age three, it’s not unusual to face a few challenges. When my daughter was a preschooler, she refused to use facilities that didn’t look like the ones at home; she’d rather wet her pants than sit on a toilet that was the wrong shape or colour.
Other children have their own issues: They’ll use the potty at daycare, but not at home; they may stay dry in the day, but wet the bed at night; or they may regress after a period of doing well. And some may only be starting to learn to use the potty at this age.
When to get more help
The Canadian Paediatric Society recommends talking to your child’s doctor if your child:
• Is older than four and still not using the potty or toilet;
• Was toilet trained for at least a few months, but now is regressing;
• Is withholding stool, experiences pain when using the potty, or has blood in the stool.
How to help a child with potty-training issues on track
Terry Carson, a Toronto parenting coach, recommends that parents get preschoolers who have potty-training challenges to clean up after themselves as part of the process of becoming fully toilet proficient. “Help the child understand that he or she can manage toileting, including accidents. Mom and dad must remain neutral, not making comments like ‘Oh, it must feel uncomfortable sitting in those wet pants.’”
• Put cleanup supplies in the bathroom, including plastic bags for wet or soiled clothes, soap or wipes to clean up the child’s body, and easy-to-put-on clean clothes to change into.
• Practise the steps with the child for cleaning up and changing after an accident, including bringing the plastic bag of soiled clothing for you to wash.
• Set up ground rules: no sitting on carpeted floors or on couches with wet or soiled pants, for example. As long as these rules are followed, the decision to change or not change should be up to the child. Don’t make comments like “Something stinks.”
• Be positive and patient. Calgary parent educator Judy Arnall adds that if your child does experience a relapse, it’s worth exploring possible reasons, such as new stresses in his life or fears about his poop being flushed away. “And remember, it won’t always be this way!” she adds.
Read on for one mom's potty training story from our February 2012 issue >
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What do you think?
Dolma (not verified) says ....
Thanks for the stories of the potty trouble above. My daughter is 3 years and 2 months old, she pees in the toilet, but refuses to poop. I was worried before, but now I learned it is normal for her at this point.
Thank you again for those story writters , please keep on going writting because it is very helpful those parents like me!
Dee (not verified) says ....
Pardon me, but what a load of crap. What is all this "when they're ready by junior-kindergarten" pampering, pardon the pun? Kid pees or poos in the potty, kid gets a reward (star on chart, m&m, whatever.) Kid hides behind table and poos in pants, or wets pants beyond "accidents" once they can reliably go in the potty- kid gets a consequence, in our house a cold shower to clean up. Both my boys learned after the second cold shower, and there was no looking back, at 2 and a half. None of this namby pamby. We were all shamed into learning to do it when we were kids, and we are not scarred as adults. If the kid can communicate, and the kid can pull his pants down, it is not ok to walk around with load in your drawers. Put it in the toilet or face some consequences.
nany (not verified) says ....
i have grandson 5years he will go pee in toilet but not poo. do you have any suggestion please let me know .as i tried everything.i told him i will buy toys candies and everything icould think of but failed every time .please help .desperate as he will be going to school in september thank you .