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The transformative power of birth

The confidence that comes with giving birth

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Originally published in Today's Parent April 2010

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Emily Kirkham’s challenging first birth helped give her the courage to be more assertive, particularly when choosing the kind of care she wanted during her subsequent pregnancy and labour. Sheena Bousanga’s vaginal birth after a previous C-section instilled a deep confidence in her body and her ability as a mother which, in turn, enabled her to finally begin ignoring conflicting advice from books, friends and relatives and heed her own intuition. After Melissa Newell* pushed her baby into the world, she was enveloped in an exhilarating feeling of well-being. “Did I feel powerful? I think a better word is superhuman,” says the Chatsworth, Ont., mother of two, adding that she has since carried that sense of competence and capability into her personal and professional life.

Midwife Jennie Stonier has seen similar scenarios unfold for countless women from all walks of life. “I can’t tell you how many have said to me afterward, ‘Now I know I can do anything,’” says Stonier, who divides her practice between western Quebec and northern Inuit communities.

The power of choice

Despite a culture that celebrates personal empowerment, many expectant mothers may be missing out on the chance to have this kind of birth experience, largely because they don’t even know it’s possible. Take Sheena Bousanga, for instance. Until becoming pregnant for the second time, most of the stories the Waterloo, Ont., mother of two had heard about vaginal birth were the usual horror tales. Having breezed through a Caesarean for a breech baby and subsequent recovery, she simply assumed she would have a scheduled C-section the second time around. It wasn’t until she started doing some online research early in her second pregnancy that she stumbled across the notion that, in addition to fewer risks and faster recovery, a vaginal birth might offer a feeling of confidence her surgery hadn’t. “I started finding forums and groups of moms who were very positive about going drug-free, and about VBAC (vaginal birth after Caesarean). It was as if I had found this secret little community of women who thought childbirth was not only natural, but enjoyable,” she says. “It was there I started hearing about the post-birth ‘high’ and empowerment. That’s when I decided: that’s what I want!”

Sheena’s VBAC was a powerful experience. After labouring comfortably at home for several hours, she and her husband went to the hospital, where, less than two hours later, Sheena gave birth. “It wasn’t pretty — I only had eight minutes of pushing, but it was very intense,” Sheena says. Nonetheless, she found the whole experience “intoxicating” and says it changed not only how she sees herself, but also how her husband sees her. “My husband was bragging to his friends, ‘You should have seen it — she was amazing!’” she recalls. “I was proud of myself, but to see him proud of me was even more uplifting.”

Melissa Newell chose midwives to attend her labour and birth. “The level of support the midwives provided was amazing,” she recalls. “They made me feel like I was in control and had the strength to do it without drugs.” And so she did — including two hours of pushing. “It’s funny — you always hear ‘they don’t present medals in the hospital for having a natural birth’ but, honestly, the level of personal pride I felt was much greater and more life-changing than any award ever could be,” she says.

*Name changed by request.

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