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Now we are three

How do couples keep their relationship strong with the arrival of a newborn?

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Originally published in Today's Parent December 2004

Friends of mine have a favourite anecdote from the days following the birth of their first child. Charlotte, up with her wakeful baby in the wee hours, had finally succeeded in getting him to sleep in his carriage in the living room. It was a restless, light sleep, though, and she didn’t want to move him. “So I decided to just spend the rest of the night on the couch,” she recalls, “but I didn’t dare leave him for long. So I literally sprinted upstairs for a blanket.”

Charlotte nearly collided in the hallway with her husband, Alan. “He was standing there, half asleep, mumbling, ‘Sorry. Sorry. What was I supposed to do?’ He’d heard me storming up those stairs and jumped up, assuming I was mad about some oversight!”

It’s a funny story, but it illustrates how easily couples can cross wires during this intense period. “I was taken aback,” recalls Charlotte. “I wondered, is that how I’m treating him? I realized we needed to take care of each other, not just the baby.”

The postpartum period is a time of upheaval for new parents. Mixed with joy at the baby’s arrival, new parents may experience some pretty uncomfortable — if perfectly normal — emotions: resentment, jealousy, anxiety.

As you each struggle to become comfortable in your role (and keep up with the laundry and get a little sleep), it may seem there isn’t much time or energy left over for your relationship with your partner. Yet, many couples say they have grown as a result of the parenting experience. How can couples stay in touch when baby makes three?

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