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A girl's guide to rookie dads

10 things every new mom should know

John Hoffman,

Originally published in Today's Parent August 2004

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When you become a mother, you will want to learn all you can about the new little stranger you’ve got in your arms. That’s as it should be. But don’t forget about your partner. He’s not new, but he’s a new dad and you might be surprised at how much there is to learn about that unique phase of the human condition. Here are 10 thoughts to help you along:

1. Fathering is not as automatic as mothering.
“Girls and young women are prepared for parenthood over a long time by the way they are socialized. Men develop the consciousness of fatherhood over a much shorter period,” says Neil Campbell, a psychotherapist and author who has been running prenatal dad classes, in London, Ont., since 1989. Even if you somehow missed the doll play and babysitting that are part of many girls’ upbringing, the nine-month biological boot camp known as pregnancy ensures you are primed for action.

That means your partner’s process is less complete when the baby arrives. He knows he’s a parent, but it may take him longer to figure out how to act like one. For one thing, at first he will need to make more of a conscious decision to act in situations where you would jump in with scarcely a thought. When a new father sees that the baby’s diaper needs changing, he thinks, “The baby’s diaper needs changing.” In the same situation you would probably think, “I need to change the baby’s diaper.” Fathers can develop a similar mentality, but it usually takes longer and, to begin with, requires more intentional effort.

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