Bonding with your baby

Why it's good for the whole family, and how to start the bonding process before, during and after labour

Cathie Kryczka,

Originally published in Today's Parent August 2004

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So here’s your baby. All those months of planning and dreaming — and here she is. Perhaps as you look at her for the first time, you’ll be swept away by feelings of connectedness you’ve never had before. Or perhaps you won’t feel like that right away. It’s OK. Bonding with your baby — building that deep, ongoing emotional connection — is a process that probably started before she was born, when you wondered if she would have his eyes or your curly hair, when you pictured her in the room you were decorating. Maybe you even hummed her a little tune — you were starting to connect, even then. And bonding will continue in the day-to-day experiences you share with your baby, from now on.

Because bonding with a baby is so important, we may put a lot of pressure on ourselves, expecting it to happen at a certain time, in a particular way. As well, we have pretty high expectations for ourselves — we expect that we will instantly know what to do and how to feel about a new baby. But for many of us, this is a brand new experience. And there really isn’t one way to do it right. Megan Aston, assistant professor of nursing at Dalhousie University in Halifax, says, “It isn’t realistic to expect to have that comfort zone immediately — it just happens in its own time. The relationship develops, the bonding continues.”

Jaylene Mory, a midwife with Kawartha Community Midwives in Peterborough, Ont., says, “I look at bonding as a long-term process. It’s not a one-time event. There are ongoing opportunities over the days after the birth, and the weeks, months and years to come, to create, enhance and deepen the connection with your baby.”

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