Surprise baby

Coming to terms with an unplanned pregnancy

Cathie Kryczka,

Originally published on TodaysParent.com December 01, 2006

Send
Share

iStock

We hadn’t expected to be expecting. When I found out our third child was on her way my husband was out of work. Not a prospect in sight. A hydro bill had just arrived — in a colour I’d never seen before. There didn’t seem to be a graceful way to break the news. So on a piece of paper — a tiny piece — I wrote Baby: August 4. I was scared, worried...and a little bit ecstatic.

Babies sometimes arrive when we aren’t expecting them, and despite our dreams, intentions and careful plans. No matter how deeply we come to love that baby, the first reaction to a surprise pregnancy may be something close to anguish. Krista Larson* of Stouffville, Ont., mom of Anna*, four, and Kevin*, two, recalls, “Initially it was, ‘This is terrible, really.’” Larson’s life seemed settled. She and husband Jim had decided they were satisfied with the family they had. “We were ready to move on to the next stage,” she says.

A surprise baby, whether your first or fourth, changes everything. There may be regrets, big and small: In another year, you’d be out of debt or ready to return to work, and the baby gear has all been passed on. Then there are logistics to figure out: How will everyone fit in the house or the car? There may be stress, guilt, worry. Myrna Fisk, nurse practitioner at Merrymount Children’s Centre in London, Ont. explains, “That disoriented, up-in-the-air feeling is very normal. It’s part of the adjustment process.” There is an emotional journey from that initial “oh-oh” to acceptance, attachment and love.

When Stacey Shannon* of Salmon Arm, BC, found out she was pregnant with Adam, now four months, she says, “I was two days away from graduating college and moving into our first house. Needless to say, plans changed quickly!” Shannon was worried on several fronts. “My biggest concern was my mom. She had given me thousands of dollars for school and I thought she’d be incredibly disappointed that I was wasting my education — I’d made it clear that when I had kids I was going to be a stay-at-home mom if possible. We delayed announcing our pregnancy for four months.”

*Name changed by request.

Subscribe to Today's Parent for just $14.95* That's only $1.25 an issue!