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The Debate: Should you pay your kids to do their chores?
Two moms face off on the topic of paying kids to do their chores.
Illustration: Miki Sato
"Yes, you should pay your kids to do their chores"
Karine Ewart, Editor-in-Chief, mom of four
Growing up, there wasn’t a lot of money to go around. My two sisters and I were raised by a single mom. Once I was old enough to start coveting “stuff,” I needed to find a way to pay for it myself. So from the age of eight, I had a variety of part-time jobs, including paper routes, dog walking, babysitting, pumping gas and life-guarding. By the time I got my first real job, I had plenty of work experience, yet zero knowledge of finances or budgeting. I once spent my last $20 on a new pair of shoes, knowing I had nothing but bagels and butter to live on until my next payday.
Now that my kids are between six and 10, they often want new stuff, too, and at ever-increasing price points. Milla, who’s almost 11, wants an iPod touch (“You’ll be able to email and text me everywhere,” she dangled) and loves clothes (not sure where she gets that...). My six- and seven-year-old sons constantly ask for the latest video game, Webkinz or Lego kit. My answer is always, “not unless it’s your birthday, Christmas or a true necessity.” But we do want to teach them money management skills, so a chores-based allowance makes sense for us.
Every week, they’re assigned a few extra jobs: vacuum, clean a bathroom, mop the kitchen floor, feed or brush the dog, unload the dishwasher, flip the laundry, or help with yardwork. We also expect them to contribute to the household without any monetary gain. The rules are: respect each other, no physical fighting, use your manners, do your homework, keep your rooms clean, make your own lunch, and tell your mom she is the best mother in the whole world as o ften as possible.
We’ve tried di fferent ways to reward allowance — monthly, weekly, or depositing it directly into their bank accounts. But I found it easiest to go with the three-jars method: Each kid gets $5 a week, but one loonie goes to charity and another goes into a savings account. They can spend their $3 a week any way they want — or, ideally, save it. I am happy to report that Milla is much more fiscally responsible than I was at her age (or, more accurately, than I was at age 30): She should have enough for her iPod before Santa arrives.
“No, you should not pay your kids to do their chores”
Sharon DeVellis, mom of two
When I was a kid, I received a weekly allowance to do the dishes each night and to clean our cat’s litter box once a week. To this day, I remember how resentful I felt when my friends were out playing while I was stuck behind a sink, or forced to clean the gross cat box. But it taught me two great life lessons I carried with me into adulthood: One, a dishwasher is essential. And two, if I leave the cat’s litter box long enough, my husband will clean it.
When our sons were eight and five, we started giving them an allowance based on chores, too. You know what it got me? Two boys who wanted money any time I asked them to do something around the house.
“Honey, can you help me empty the dishwasher?”
“Sure, Mom, how much will you pay me?”
“Sweetie, can you pick up the toys in the living room?”
“Yes, for a loonie.”
It started to drive me loony, so we decided to change tactics. My husband and I sat down with the boys and explained the responsibilities required to keep the house running smoothly. They got a list of tasks we expected them to do each day — not because they were being paid, but because it’s part of being in a family. They do receive a monthly allowance, but it’s not contingent on chores.
You may wonder, where’s the accountability? This is why we chose a monthly allowance and not weekly. On the first day of the month we give my older son $20 and my younger son $15. It’s theirs to spend as they wish — but once that money is gone, it’s gone until next month.
The first time we doled out their monthly allowance, both boys spent all their money on candy and cheap toys and had nothing le ft for the next 29 days — this was how they learned the importance of budgeting. When they bought dollar-store toys that broke a few hours later, they learned about quality, not quantity. When my youngest son didn’t spend his allowance for three months in order to buy himself a digital camera, he learned how to save.
And now when I ask for help unloading the dishwasher, I don’t have to check my wallet to see if I have change first.
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LynnD says ....
If it works, why knock it? If the kids start demanding payment for all tasks? Yes, then there is a problem. I've found my kids to be reasonable.
Margaret (not verified) says ....
I think you have to find a happy medium, be in collaboration with your child. Explain to them that every person in the family must contribute to the keeping of the house. Picking up after yourself is an important lesson. I think extra chores, some seasonal chores could be paid for. Because it is about learning money management. There has to be a happy agreed to medium.
Ida Mae West-Simone says ....
This is an issue that my husband and I had to compromise on, and what has worked for us is to create a balance between both. Our kids, now 11 and 14, know that they are part of our family team and have responsibilities at home. They know that they are responsible for tidying up after themselves, maintaining their bedrooms, their shared washroom, helping with getting dinner ready and on the table and tidying up afterwards. The fourteen year old makes his own school lunches and some weekend lunches and the eleven year old makes some lunches too. Both kids empty the dishwasher a couple of times a week. We also have 'The List' of additional cleaning jobs for pay, and we communicate which ones are available 'for hire' at a given time, or the kids may notice that something on the list may need to be done. It's really within their control because they know that they have a way to earn cash if they need it, and they also know that if something is left too long, we do it ourselves and the opportunity is gone. We get the odd argument about how it isn't fair that their friends get allowance and do nothing, but we genuinely thank them for helping out, let them know that their friends may not be telling them the whole truth and that they have a great work ethic and are learning to manage their money. So far so good. Check back in ten years, though. We're flying by the seat of our pants. The idea came from Suze Orman.
tulipdjc (not verified) says ....
I loved both sides but I think we are closer to Sharon. Our kids have a set allowance and they have a chore list but they are not tied together. If chores are not done they lose other priveleges like screen time, going over to friends or some other "It's not fair" activity! They do have the chance of earning extra money with extra chores not on the list of "I live in this house and am part of this family so it's my responsibilty to help with its upkeep!" chores. But they also learn about serving others by doing things that aren't assigned to them to help someone else!
They have access to money to learn those money managment skills and have chores to learn how to work/serve and become responsible people!