Is it OK to lie to your kids?

Admit it: we all lie to our kids from time to time. Whether you're telling fibs to protect their feelings or just getting them to eat their broccoli, here's what the experts say about little white lies.

Lisa van de Geyn,

Originally published in Today's Parent March 2012

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"You're right, honey, that really does look like a princess!"

These are the lies I told my three-year-old just this morning: “Our PVR is broken so you can’t watch Little Einsteins,” “This chocolate is really spicy; you won’t like it” and “That picture you coloured does look exactly like your little sister.”

I’m not embarrassed to admit I fib to my kids. Whether it’s telling them we’re out of batteries for their annoyingly loud toys, or that restaurants aren’t allowed to serve dessert to kids under 12, we all deceive our broods for a number of reasons – to spare their feelings, preserve tradition, protect young ears and encourage good behaviour. We also do it because, let’s face it, sometimes it’s easier to tell tales than the truth.

Luckily, there’s good news for us Pinocchios: There are situations when it’s perfectly acceptable to lie like a rug. While you obviously shouldn’t do it every time you talk to your children, “there are no hard and fast rules about what is and isn’t OK to lie to your kids about,” says Jennifer Mansell, a social worker and family therapist. “Instead, it’s important for parents to examine the intent behind their lies.” Read on for some of the most commonly lied-about situations, the reasons why we blurt out these falsehoods and what the experts say.

“The park is closed today.”
Parents often lie to make our jobs easier; we do it out of convenience, to save time and avoid meltdowns. “I lie about trivial things, like friends not being home when my five-year-old son, Riley, wants to have a playdate, or his favourite show not being on when I want to watch Days of Our Lives,” says Calgary mom Alison Heal. “I do try to be truthful because I don’t believe that kids should be deceived, but in some cases, if it’s harmless and it’s going to save some grief in the short term, I think it’s fine.” (This is also the reason why Heal tells Riley that if he doesn’t brush his teeth, they’ll fall out and he’ll look like his grandfather.) Vancouver mom Tracey Flattes agrees. “As long as you’re open and honest about the important things in life, the little white lies that make everyone’s life easier and happier aren’t damaging. If we’re at the playground and my daughter wants to take off her coat, I’ll often point to the nearest sign and say, ‘Sorry, the sign says all children must wear coats!’”

Please keep reading to hear more little white lies we tell our kids, and what the experts say about them>

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