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5 things you never thought you'd do as a parent

Remember those things you swore you'd never do as a parent? It's OK to change your mind

By //
Originally published in Today's Parent November 2011

Way back before kids, I was mighty judgmental of parents. I’d shoot dirty looks at the sweaty mom losing it on her tantruming toddler in the Gap and tsk-tsk aloud when my brother fed his daughter gummi worms. When it came to things I would never do when I had my own kids, I had a long list.

Things change. Now I’m the mom who has been known to turn purple before throwing her shrieking toddler over her shoulder and marching through the mall. And these days, my pantry is stocked with enough junk to feed the neighbourhood on Halloween.

I know I’m not alone. We polled parents to see what things they swore they’d never do when they had kids, then asked our expert to give us insight into this oh-so-common parenting about-face.

Sleep with me? Never!

Game changer: Reesa Cohen, mom to Evan,* 8, Surrey, BC

When Reesa Cohen was pregnant, she was horrified when the news reported a woman had accidentally smothered her baby in bed. It was a warning that stuck with Cohen — until her son turned one.  

“We moved Evan into his own room, and he started waking up crying at midnight and keeping me up to 4 a.m. every night,” Cohen says. The next thing she knew, she was delirious from exhaustion, and would try just about anything to send her child into la-la land, including the one tactic that she’d always thought was unsafe — co-sleeping.

For mother and son, the arrangement was pure love. “We would snuggle and, within seconds, Evan would be dreaming,” Cohen says, pointing out that her son sleeps better when he feels comforted. Now that Evan is eight, he still slips into her king-size bed when he’s scared, cold or just needs his mom. “And he knows I’m happy about it,” she says.

Why the 180? We all have ideas about how we’ll treat our kids, but parenting is on-the-job training — you don’t know what you’ll do until you’re faced with a dilemma, says Toronto parenting coach Kathy Thomas. Plus, she says, there is no way of knowing ahead of time what your child will be like.

Each child has different needs. While some fall asleep with just a kiss good night, some need a teddy bear or a night light — or you. “You can keep in mind what you saw on the news, read in books or heard from others but, ultimately, you have to determine what’s right for your child in the moment,” Thomas says.  

And don’t forget that kids’ needs change as they grow, so it’s important to stay flexible. Chances are your child will outgrow co-sleeping at some point, Thomas says, and if there are still problems at night, you’ll have to find a new approach.

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