International adoption

With international adoption becoming harder, Canadians are facing the challenges with patience, and an open mind, in the quest to build their families

Diane Peters,

Originally published in Today's Parent September 2009

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Last December, confronted by her 38th birthday and a new year, Amanda Ouellette took stock. “Here we are again — another year has passed,” she thought. “Let’s regroup.”

Ouellette and her husband, Gerry Vercaigne, 40, have been trying to adopt a child since 2005. Like many prospective parents at the time, they’d assumed they’d apply to China and adopt a little girl within two years. “I was shocked to learn more about China,” she recalls, “to realize, oh, it’s more like a five-year or six-year wait.”

The couple’s social worker had previously suggested domestic adoption, as birth moms get to choose the parents; the fact that Ouellette and Vercaigne were both French Canadian and Catholic might have appeal. Over time, they met three women — two of whom changed their minds and one the couple turned down because of the risk of alcohol exposure — and even had a brief pregnancy that, unfortunately, ended in miscarriage.

Early this year, they went back to their adoption agency and heard Ethiopia was accepting applications. With the program’s $30,000 price tag and two-year wait, plus the need to renew their home study and most of their documents, applying would be a serious investment of time and money. But the couple decided to do it.

“It’s a big change from what we thought. We got a little derailed along the way. But it all happens for a reason,” says Ouellette, of Mississauga, Ont. Her theory: Whichever child comes their way, in the end, will be the right one.

That’s an essential attitude for going through adoption today. Over the last decade, international adoption has become a popular way to grow a family, but it’s clear now that there was a heyday and that it has passed. The large, efficiently run programs out of countries like China have been followed — but not replaced — by a number of smaller programs, the details of which change constantly. To adopt an overseas baby today demands a long wait and sometimes additional fees; and more international adoptions involve older children or those with special needs.

Some prospective parents are stressing out. Others are turning to domestic adoption, which is also in transition — but for the better. There are new technologies to link parents with birth mothers, and more support programs once you’re a parent.

Despite the frustration and uncertainly, some, like Ouellette and Vercaigne, are still excited to be part of the adoption process. Would-be parents who are patient and flexible about how they define their families, who put the needs of kids first and who are willing to do their research can still find what they want in the end — a child to parent and love.

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