Parent Time

Money talks

For Victoria dad Robert Gialloreto, the downturn has meant talking more with his daughter, Megan, aged nine, about how people around the world are having trouble keeping their jobs and homes. Both Gialloreto, who works in the tourism industry, and his wife, Christie, a sports psychologist, have seen friends put off retirement due to the recession, and are themselves preparing for the what-ifs. “It’s been a good opportunity to teach the value of money and that lots of things we spend money on are nice-tos versus have-tos,” says Gialloreto. That means talking about what they can do together, for little or no expense — running, biking, cooking. Gialloreto also sees his daughter learning from decisions he and his wife make — for instance, the cancellation of an upcoming holiday — and sees her making more frugal choices with her own allowance, such as deciding, after 25 minutes of consideration, not to buy a new wallet.

Donna Fradley never really discussed money with her kids until the recession made it an issue. The single mom of two girls, who runs Kibela, a high-end wholesale jewellery business, has taken on a bigger workload to bring in more income. That has meant ramping up business travel and being away for weeks at a time to attend gem shows and jewellery sales. And home-life cutbacks have become necessary, says the Calgary mom, who has had to cash in her RRSPs and is now scrutinizing every expense, from dance and choir classes to annual family holidays in Southeast Asia, where her jewellery is produced.

It’s been especially hard for her eldest, 12-year-old Juliana, who was literally growing out of her wardrobe. “I really was not in a position where I could take her shopping. And as many times as I said it, I don’t think she understood it because it had never been like that before.”

But Fradley says her daughters — even though they’re having a hard time with the changes — are helping her focus on making the most of each day. “When you’ve got two kids, you have to be positive. How can you not?” The new openness has made her think about her priorities, says Fradley. “Hardship really does change your values and the way you look at things. What’s important is my relationship with my kids.”

Jennifer Kolari, a family therapist in Toronto and a mother of three, says that, in times of stress, kids need to know what’s really going on — and learn from your example. “You can show your child: ‘We’re making decisions, we’re doing what we can to get through this. Bad things sometimes happen in life and we’re going to be OK as a family. We’re going to figure it out.’”

Originally published in Today's Parent, November 2009