Parent Time

Getting to know their bodies

“Masturbation is an emotionally loaded term for people,” says Toronto author and sex educator Kim Martyn.“I prefer to say self-exploration or self-pleasuring.” Whatever term you use, Martyn explains that it begins really early for many kids. “We’re hard-wired before we’re born in terms of genital-brain connections,” she says.

Between infancy and age three, boys start to have erections and girls start to lubricate. Joy Becker, a nurse and regional educational consultant with the Options for Sexual Health program in Nanaimo, BC, cautions these are not signs of sexual arousal. “It’s just reflexes at this stage,” she says.

As babies become toddlers and gain more hand coordination (and particularly when they’re being potty trained), many develop a fascination with their genitals. “Just like children will explore what is hidden away in the kitchen cupboards,” says Gary Direnfeld, a social worker and child development expert in Dundas, Ont., “they will also explore what has been hidden away beneath the diaper.”

Laura Wershler, executive director of Sexual Health Access Alberta, an organization that connects people of all ages with sexual health information, education and services, says some children find rubbing their genitals to be comforting, the same way sucking a thumb or holding onto an old blanket is for others.

And from about three to six years of age, children often start to explore their bodies with same- and opposite-sex peers. “By this point, they’re curious about bodies, and may play ‘doctor’ to find out about differences,” says Wershler.

Expert opinion differs on what self-pleasuring means for kids as they develop. Some say sexual fantasies don’t occur until puberty, that even though boys wake up with and have erections throughout the day, and girls self-touch frequently, they aren’t aroused or having orgasms. Others say children can be aroused and seem to experience orgasm even during infancy. Because of the lack of research on child sexuality (for ethical reasons), no one knows for certain.

Originally published in Today's Parent, July 2009