Parent Time

Do not play Let’s Make a Deal. This is no time to bargain, so don’t promise her a Strawberry Shortcake doll if she stops crying, and don’t cancel Christmas if she doesn’t. And remember, by lingering you make it worse, sending her the message: “I cry, Mommy stays; I cry harder, Mommy stays longer.”

Watch those claws. They expect you to leave your hysterical baby while some other adult comforts her? Back off, Mama Bear, and trust the teacher; believe me, we are very good at hugging, reassuring and distracting. The faster your child realizes her teacher is caring and trustworthy, the faster she’ll adjust to her new preschool. And don’t worry: I promise she’ll always love you best.

Hold the waterworks. Unless you bring your own mom, no one’s comforting you. Sorry. You can drop the tough act in the parking lot; there’ll probably be a whole group of you. Go have coffee and pass the tissues. Chances are that before the foam cools on your latte, your son will have stopped crying and started tackling his first puzzle.

Don’t count on clinginess. Your daughter might be one of those kids who bounds into school without a backwards glance, let alone a kiss goodbye. Guess what? This may break your heart. Remind yourself that an easy transition is a blessing.

Keep your end of the bargain. When school is dismissed, be there to greet your little scholar, not stuck in a Tim Hortons lineup. It’s crucial. Minutes can feel like an eternity to an anxious child — especially when he sees all the other mommies and daddies collecting their charges.

Give it time. Your child may re-enact the dramatic farewell scene for a while; three to five weeks of regular attendance is a typical adjustment period.

Your rookie preschooler is entering a new stage of development. And, like most stages, it often starts out rocky. Need a reminder? Just reconnect with a new parent with that “I’m so tired I’m throw-up sick” look, or one who’s desperate for a toddler to give up the bottle. Trust me, in a few weeks your child’s preschool class will be a room full of happy, adjusted children. And he’ll be one of them.

Originally published in Today's Parent, September 2006