Parent Time

Anybody else out there tired of the alleged “mommy wars”?

The media regularly dredge up and promote the idea that packs of mothers are at one another’s throats over whether a “good” mom stays home or goes back to work after having kids.

The most recent revival came last June after an off-hand comment by Alberta Finance Minister Iris Evans. “Raising children properly requires stay-at-home parent: Alberta Minister,” howled CBC online.

OK, so ill-considered statements by public officials are fair game for media finger-wagging. But what I couldn’t stomach was the implication that Ms. Evans had somehow reignited the smouldering mommy wars.

Deconstructing the myth

I have yet to hear any stay-at-home mom verbally duking it out with a “working” mom, except in the media, of course. One can always find ideologues willing to debate any point — particularly about parenting — with shrill enthusiasm. The mommy wars myth is built on the wobbly premise that there are two entrenched, monolithic groups of mothers — those who work outside the home for pay and put their kids in daycare, and those who relinquish all ties to the world of employment.

The reality is far messier. All kinds of mothers (and fathers) go back and forth between being at home and working, and a fair number occupy a sort of no (wo)man’s land in between. Many moms are part-time working/stay-at-home mothers, while others work flexibly from home, six to eight hours a week as a telemarketer or artist, two evenings a week teaching piano, or various hours here and there operating a home business.

Originally published in Today's Parent, November 2009