Parent Time

When aaron was two, I was BOSS. Sure my son was stubborn and headstrong, but he was a toddler, and I was, well, older. When I’d ask him to pick up his socks and he’d shake his head, no problem. I’d just count to three, then send him to his room.

Then Aaron grew older and my power started fading. Soon he realized his room — crammed with superhero toys — was actually kinda fun. Now when he’d say no, I was stumped.

With my older kids (both expert at toeing the line) watching, it was time to figure this out, and fast. The question was: Why were my best tactics losing their effectiveness? Turns out, there can be many reasons. And figuring out what’s disabled your method is key to getting back on track. So here is the experts’ take on the top discipline deal breakers.

She’s no longer distractible

As your baby morphs into a cute little tot, heading off temper tantrums is pretty straightforward. Distraction works well because all it requires is something your child enjoys, like TV. Sure, she’ll scream herself purple when her older sister tries to help her build a block tower. But just watch her quiet down when you flick on Franklin. For many parents, substitution is an equally powerful technique. She’s eating a crayon? No worries! I’ll just take that nasty stick and replace it with a nice, sweet banana.

But when your child gets older, these powerful toddler techniques suddenly stop working. The reason is simple, says Calgary parent educator Judy Arnall, author of Discipline Without Distress: 135 Tools for Raising Caring, Responsible Children Without Time-Out, Spanking, Punishment or Bribery. “Kids under three are egocentric, have a short memory, and they can focus only on one thing at a time,” she says. The problem is, as toddlers mature, you can’t fool them quite so easily. “Now you have to start communicating with your child,” Arnall says. Kids need to know what your expectations are, and what consequences will follow if they aren’t met.

Originally published in Today's Parent, January 2008