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Big kids do cry

How to help a weepy school-ager

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Originally published on TodaysParent.com January 09, 2010

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My nine-year-old daughter has always cried easily. A too-sharp tone of voice, her teacher’s disapproval, a friend’s teasing — it all can set her off. I didn’t worry about it when she was a toddler, but once she started school, I was afraid she’d be labelled a crybaby.

About 15 to 20 percent of kids are highly sensitive and cry easily, says Michele Borba, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. “These children seem more touchy from birth,” she says. “Instead of shrugging off put-downs, teasing and critical comments, they take the jabs with too much emotion.” You don’t want to change your child’s nature, says Borba, and you don’t want her to feel she should never cry, but doing so in public or in front of other kids could be problematic for her; research shows that excessive crying is a peer turnoff.

Here’s a look at what might be behind the tears and how to help your child manage the feelings that cause them.

Why it happens

If your child is uncharacteristically teary, she could be ill or under a lot of stress. “Tiredness is a bigger problem for kids than it used to be,” says Linda Cameron, an associate professor at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education of the University of Toronto. “They’re overtired from not eating or sleeping properly or getting enough exercise.” And that makes them more emotionally charged.

A change on the home front could also be making your child weepy — a recent move, financial stress, a grandparent’s death. Preadolescent mood swings come into play too. “Hormones are kicking in at a younger age — as early as nine or 10 — so we may not recognize those tears as hormonal,” says Cameron.

And then there are kids, like my daughter, who have what Cameron calls “a leaky heart.” Whenever they feel anxious, upset, frustrated or angry, the tears are quick to flow.

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