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Difficult questions about sex

Honest answers to help kids make healthy choices

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Originally published in Today's Parent November 2008

You’d think it would be easier for us post-sexual-revolution parents. We have no problem explaining to a three-year-old how babies are born, so shouldn’t we take it in stride when it’s time to talk to our teens about sex? But as Sue McDonald, a community health nurse with Vancouver Coastal Health, has discovered, parents still find it difficult to talk to young teens about sex. In focus groups she held with parents as part of her master’s thesis, she found that embarrassment is only one factor.

“Parents are confused about what their own beliefs and values are right now. They don’t know what they should tell their children. And they don’t feel they are up to date on all the current information.”

To add to the challenge, those “difficult” questions we worry about answering are not likely to be expli-citly asked, not unless you have already established a comfortable and freewheeling climate for discussing sex with your child. “Teens are at that point where they want to tune out the parent and they’re uncomfortable talking about that sort of thing,” says McDonald. “But they want — and need — the information.” She adds, “We know that supportive parental involvement helps teen practise healthy behaviours.”

Really, it would be much easier if your child did come up to you and say, “So what do you think? Is oral sex really sex, or is it more like advanced necking?” Then you’d have no choice but to step up to the plate and do your best. But just because they don’t ask doesn’t mean they aren’t wondering, and sexual health educators agree it’s up to parents to open the discussion, and keep it open. Read on for some tips.

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