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Confessions of a worrywart

To parent is to fret -- but not to the point of paralysis. Here's how to stop anxiety before it stops you

By
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Originally published in Today's Parent February 2011

My mother always said I worry too much, my mother-in-law calls me a fretter, and my husband — well, he says I just need to relax already. Lately, even I have been worrying that I worry too much.

For example, it’s 4:12 a.m. and I’ve been awake for an hour, my stomach churning, my jaw clenched, my breathing shallow and rapid. Inside my head, it’s like a championship Ping-Pong game. How much money is left in the account? Why didn’t Jolina get invited to the party? Is it garbage day tomorrow? I need to get the brake lights fixed before I get rear-ended. That boy on the news — what if that happened to Roan? I’m never going to let him use the Internet.

Sound familiar? Do the what-ifs multiply in your brain like bunnies? If so, worrying may be taking up too much space in there, interfering with your life more than it needs to. Here’s how to get a grip:

Why worry?

Kelowna, BC, mom Sara Mitchell* doesn’t let her nine-year-old daughter walk three blocks to school on her own. Mitchell says her daughter is responsible, but the school is located in an inner-city area, only accessed by busy roads. “I don’t think I’m overdoing it,” says Mitchell.

In fact, Mitchell is doing her job. “A degree of anxiousness makes for a good parent,” says psychologist Lynn Miller, who is president of the Anxiety Disorders Association of Canada (ADAC). Worry prompts us to buy life insurance, nag our kids to brush their teeth, and notice when Jamie seems out of sorts after a playdate. Plus, as the Vancouver-based Miller points out, “it keeps us alert. When you are driving in bad weather, for example, you want to be anxious.”

*Names changed by request.

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