People are asking about Baby #2
Katie has been asked over and over again this week when Sophie will be getting a little brother or sister.
Katie with Soph on her first birthday.
Something weird happened last weekend. Somewhere in the midst of making lasagna, icing birthday cakes, going to the Toronto Santa Claus Parade and hosting friends and family to celebrate Sophie’s first year, people decided that it was their business to ask when we plan to have a second child. At first I thought it was just a fluke that I was asked about Baby #2 twice on Monday, but then as the week progressed, it happened three more times. Last I checked I wasn’t wearing a sign that said “Room for Rent.”
I do hope that we’ll be blessed with more kids, but I just can’t figure out what about Soph turning one has prompted the (rather nosy) queries. (Maybe I look well-rested, so others assume my child is letting me sleep again; I’ll take that as a compliment in light of the fact that she was up at 2:30 a.m. every night this week.) Something about having a toddler in tow, rather than an infant, must elicit the bump-watching.
The more I think about it, though, the more I wonder if the questions about more children aren’t incredibly inappropriate. Lots of people only want to have one (or, perhaps, they’ve realized that their income can only support one, which in itself is a difficult decision to make), and for those experiencing secondary infertility, the question is heartbreaking. For Blaine and I, we have many reasons for the timeline we have in mind (which I won’t be sharing, because frankly I believe it’s private). We want some time to enjoy Soph on her own, first, and second, we’re both very career-oriented and want to give our jobs a little more attention than we’ve been able to in the past year. This isn’t a complaint, by any stretch — I wouldn’t trade one minute with our girl — but we have both taken significant leaves of absence and we want to be fully engaged again before we consider diving back in to the early days of parenthood.
Of course we could make plans and it might not work out the way we hope — I’ve heard many stories about families who have one child relatively easily and then struggle to conceive the second — but we don’t feel right letting the fear make our decision for us. We need to be ready, and that’s all there is to it. But, how do I tell people that when I really don’t want to? I’ve been saying “Not yet” and following it up with an awkward laugh, when I really want to say “My womb is not up for discussion.” Actually, maybe that’s the answer exactly. It could save someone else having to answer the question at all.
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Dinakaran (not verified) says ....
You can look at some baby pictures and you just know elcatxy what that child will look like as an adult. You were one of those babies. That's a good thing, by the way. And I think you're going to be an amazing mother, Erin.And Sophie Giraffe makes a happy sound when her body is squeezed? Nope. Ain't touchin' *that* one.
Anu (not verified) says ....
They all make me smile, but I choose #8 becsuae puppy plus newborn is the ultimate challenge- and it makes me smile. Thanks for including me in the finals- love your blog-xo j
Sonia Barreto (not verified) says ....
I agree, people are just too snoppy these days, there are no
Boundaries anymore... I get so mad
Sonia Barreto (not verified) says ....
I agree, people are just too snoppy these days, there are no
Boundaries anymore... I get so mad
Dawn F (not verified) says ....
It's seriously because your daughter turned one. When our son turned one we were greeted with the same questions. I responded with not yet, we aren't really trying and probably won't until he's around 2. That usually shut people up and bought us time. It took 2 years to get pregnant with him and 18 months this time around. It's very hard to answer those questions especially when you want another child but have trouble getting pregnant. There was only one person (my mother in law, go figure) who was so upset our son was a boy, that while pregnant she told me I NEEDED to have another baby before he turned 1 so she could have her girl. (Yes HER girl, claiming the baby into womb or future babies HERS). Anyway it's seriously because there is a social "norm" of space kids 2-3years apart, so my honest belief is people expect everyone to just follow the standard and be the "norm".
momonthefarm says ....
I am pregnant with number 5 and we have told no one but my mom because I am so sick of the comments I got when I was pregnant with number 4.....are you crazy? Dont you know how that happens? Cant you figure out how to stop that? HA HA HA I didnt think it was funny. My responses are "I love my children, and I love my husband and we are good parents. How many children we have is none of your buisness". I have wonderful, kind, considerate, caring children. They are not a burden or a bother...they are a joy and a blessing. I am so lucky to have a loving and supportive husband who is a wonderful father and is just excited at number 5 as he was at number 3 !!! I was told I would never have any children because of Endometriosis and my first baby was a fertility pill baby......after that...I needed no pills. I thought I would have to go through life with no children and look at how blessed I am now. We are blessed to have a wonderful job that my husband works at that we can have 5 children...peoples comments infuriate me.... It is no ones buisness but your own.
abaigaelsmum says ....
If it makes you feel any better whenever I announced #3 people's comments were just as jaw dropping and inappropriate. I don't think you'll ever get around people talking about what they think is right for someone else as far as their opinion on what, where, how many and when your family should or should not change.