Is hate and violence against special needs kids on the rise?
Anchel responds to a recent study that states disabled children are at a greater risk for abuse.
Photo by Syldavia/iStockphoto
Despite my efforts to not worry about the big stuff I have one nagging concern that I think I share with most parents, especially those who have kids with special needs: How will Syona be treated by others?
Last week, The Lancet published a study that said that the risk of physical, sexual or emotional abuse or neglect for these children is nearly four times greater than for children who are not disabled. As a mom, I’m at a loss. In the last few weeks there has been an onslaught of news that shows the disdain and hatred for those with special needs in our society. From rapper 50 Cent’s tweets mocking those with autism and a Florida arcade owner kicking kids out of his establishment simply for having special needs, to a mother of a special needs girl abandoning her daughter, ignorance and intolerance seems to be a truly disturbing and recurring trend. While these are American examples, you can see deep-seeded prejudices right here in Canada: Do you remember hearing about the story about Children’s Aid deliberately taking a baby away from her family because her parents had cerebral palsy?
I spend the majority of my day taking care of Syona, who has cerebral palsy. Dilip and I do everything we can to make sure she gets the therapies she needs, while filling our days with the things we love. We are doing everything in our power to give Syona every opportunity to be her best self — regardless of what that looks like.
Will people see her big, beautiful smile and love for music, or only focus on what she can’t do? Will they make fun of her because she drools or maybe talks or moves a little differently? Or in my darkest what-if scenario, will anyone hurt her or be cruel to her because she is a little more vulnerable than the average kid?
I think the majority of parents worry about their children being bullied, whether their kids are “typically developing” or have special needs. When I was growing up, I was made fun of for so many things: Being South Asian, smelling like onion and garlic (wouldn’t have traded that for the world; my mom’s food was far too tasty!) and being short, just to name a few. Was I bullied? Yes. Did I stand up for myself? Sometimes. But the difference is that I always had the ability to stand up for myself. Not everyone in our society does.
When I read the study, I had a hard time digesting this news and figuring out what I was feeling. It was just another worry to add to my very long list. But we’re fortunate that we have a lot of people in our life that love and care for Syona. And I have confidence in the fact that, as a collective, we will protect her to the best of our ability, just like any family does.
Those who are most vulnerable in our society should also be the people who are most appreciated — they are the ones who teach us how to grow into a community that looks beyond our own personal interests and work toward being part of a society and that we can be proud of.
So I’m asking for a favour: When you see us (or anyone that looks a little different), give us a smile, wave hello, introduce yourself and teach your children what it means to embrace diversity and simply care for one another.
Do you worry about how your kids will get/are being treated? How do you deal with these concerns?
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Anchel Krishna says ....
LSB - I think having warm, loving and conscious parents like you out there will make our lives a whole lot better! Each and every child has a unique personality and needs. As parents, I think our fear is often that people will prey on whatever it is that makes them "different". I'm a firm believer that these differences (whether it's "special needs" or a shy disposition) can add so much value to relationships and society. Thanks so much for reading.
LSB (not verified) says ....
I love your blogs... they echo every anxiety, fear and hope I've had about my children. Thank you for sharing!
I agree with you... or at least I hope we're right ... that it is our role as parents and the caregivers with whom we surround our children to help our kids with the self-confidence they'll need to stand up for themselves when we are not around to protect them. I'm worried for both my youngest daughter who wears hearing aids and my eldest daughter who, while "typically developing", can be extremely shy around new people.
And if they feel they can`t stand up to these bullies, I hope we have shown them that they are loved so much and supported unconditionally, that they feel they can trust us to share any of their fears and sadness.
Here`s a smile for Syona... and all the special needs kids we hope to ever meet! =)
Anchel Krishna says ....
Guest_310519: "His special needs once turned our lives upside down but in the end he has helped us grow stronger as parents, as a couple and taught us how to communicate and problem solve better than we ever could have imagined." What a beautiful statement. I couldn't agree with you more. Thank you for taking the time to read!
Guest_310519 says ....
I worry about this happening to my son as well. He struggles with OCD and Anxiety on a daily basis and it is often upsetting to hear so many people making jokes about OCD. I truly believe special children are gifted to special parents and we are meant to be together. As trying as our family life can be with two other children in the mix as well, my husband and I look at our son as the "bringer of peace" which is what the origin of his name means. His special needs once turned our lives upside down but in the end he has helped us grow stronger as parents, as a couple and taught us how to communicate and problem solve better than we ever could have imagined. All children are beautiful and have something important to bring to this world! We must keep on educating our communities on tolerance and acceptance!
Anchel Krishna says ....
Priya - what a great message to share as an educator! Thanks for reading!
Priya (not verified) says ....
Wonderful blog post. I absolutely agree with you regarding embracing those who are most vulnerable in society to create a true community based on appreciation and equality. It's something I try to encourage as an educator everyday! Blog on!
Anchel Krishna says ....
shygrrly - I totally agree with what you are saying. On a personal note, I always prefer that people ask me lots of questions about Syona and cerebral palsy if they are curious. It raises awareness and brings it out in the open, and hopefully (eventually) creates community awareness and caring...
Thank you for reading!
shygrrly says ....
After taking a quick glance at the study, it notes that they looked at evidence gathered in the last 20 years and no new data was collected since 2010. Another thing to note is in the Interpretation section: "However, the continued scarcity of robust evidence, due to a lack of well designed research studies, poor standards of measurement of disability and violence, and insufficient assessment of whether violence precedes the development of disability, leaves gaps in knowledge that need to be addressed."
I don't think hate and violence are on the rise, but that society may be slowly talking about people with disabilities which leads to both good and bad publicity. In the past, most people with disabilities were hidden away or placed in institutions which were mostly ignored by society.
I believe that a lot of the hate/violence is stemmed by the fear of the unknown. In which case, the "cure" for it is to keep bringing our loved ones out into the community and not try to keep they isolated and safe. When the community start meeting real faces and stories (whole life stories) to disability labels, I hope in some way, they realize that we're all human and we all play a part in each other's lives. It will be the same community that will keep our loved ones safe in times where we're not around.