Why I gave my son a toy gun
Haley shares what happened when she let her son play with a toy gun for the first time.
Photo: Danish Khan/iStockphoto
Several years ago, I got a little lazy and paid a company to make the loot bags for my daughter's birthday party. I said, "Make it simple, generic, something boys and girls will both like." It was summertime, and it didn't occur to me that they'd put very realistic-looking toy water guns in the loot bags!
As a fairly new mom at the time, I was MORTIFIED. A lot of parents at this party had strong views on parenting. I knew I had to warn them and tell them I would NEVER.... And I was bang-on when I guessed which parents would ask me to pull the water gun out of their kids' bags (poor kids were left with almost nothing — a notebook with a puppy on it and a pencil).
Needless to say, it fascinated me that some parents were like "Whatever" about the guns, and others were like "OMG, the HORROR!"
Anyway, I ended up giving my own kids their water guns. My son, who was then just a baby, was too young to appreciate his, of course. And my daughter could have cared less.
But now....
My son's almost five years old. His friends have toy guns. He even came home one day and drew me a picture of the "shooters" in his friend Michael's toy gun — I wanted him to show me how big they were. From his drawing it looked like they were the size of a bead! His mother assured me they were Nerf "shooters," soft and not miniscule.
But the other day, my son got a toy gun of his own. I had gone to a Hasbro toy event to check out the latest holiday toys, and they sent me home with a gift bag, which included, among other little goodies, a realistic-looking Nerf toy gun, complete with dart-like bullets. Just to give you an idea, even my typically-laid-back husband was freaked out.
"Mama, LOOK!" my son said, as he dug into the bag. Ack! He found it! And since he saw the gun before I had the chance to hide it, I found myself letting him have it. Part of me couldn't resist his begging (I like to pick my battles), and part of me was curious about the kinds of conversations we could have about this, what I might say to teach him about the seriousness of guns if it came up, the problems with toy guns, how to use them safely, and so forth.
He played with the gun on and off throughout the evening. And, thankfully, he's forgotten about it since. But during that time, he was very careful to obey the rules: He's never to point the gun at a person or animal; he's always to have a soft target, like his Cars chair or a pillow; and the gun is never to leave the house because, I told him, "Not all children are allowed to play with toy guns."
My real reservation about guns stems from my own childhood. When I was around nine years old, a friend of mine was playing with a toy gun at summer camp and ended up losing an eye — a tiny stick had gotten caught in the gun's barrel. It was a huge challenge for me to let my son play with the Hasbro gun, but it was also a good practice in easing up on my own fears and reservations, trusting my son to play safely (albeit supervised), and seeing how he would handle something he knew to take seriously, even though he was playing.
Would you let your child play with a toy gun? Check out our latest hot debate on the topic>
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Anonymous says ....
I have such mixed feelings about this as well - I work with high risk youth, so maybe that skews my thinking. My husband is a hunter and feels that we should teach our son about guns, how they are dangerous and how to respect them with rules - I am torn given my training around behaviour and specifically one case that stands out to me...Kip Kinkel - check it out and let me know what you think....
Mark (not verified) says ....
Being a "real" gun owner, I think it is important to educate kids on the proper use of guns, real ones or toys. Safety is paramount regardless of real or fake and ignoring this could result in a more tragic outcome. As one person said they had an injury because a stick/object was in the barrel of the toy. Had they been instructed never to point it at anyone then this would probably never have occurred. As with anything (cars, scissors, guns, etc.) proper safety instruction is important and just ignoring it by never exposing them to these objects is irresponsible...
Guest_331856 says ....
CalTek, I'm not sure if all reactions against the toy guns come from fears that the kids will grow up to be a murderer. Maybe this is not so much an issue in Canada because access to guns is a little more restrict, but in the country I came from, every so often we hear news of a child who accidentally killed him/herself, a sibling or a friend, because children can't always tell a toy from the real thing and, there, firearms are somewhat common in households. Even when placed away from a child's reach or hidden, children can be particularly resourceful at getting things without parents knowledge/permission. Particularly, toy guns that actually shoot something (little balls, darts, etc) can do some real harm if aimed at other kids face. Having said that, I'm not one of those people who would freak out at the sight of a toy gun, but I would pay special attention and give a lot of restrictions on its use. I would also instruct on some precautions if a friend playing with one.
CalTek (not verified) says ....
I played with toy guns as a kid and I turned out fine. My boys (5 and 8) play with toy guns and they will turn out fine. I think parents need to relax and stop being so anti-gun all the time. Just because a child plays with a toy gun doesn't mean they will grow up to be a murderer. If anything the event is an opportunity to teach your child about proper handling of the gun and safety - heck maybe join in on the battle with them and have a little fun.
When the child is older have them take a firearms course that teaches them the proper and safe handling of a firearm. Who knows maybe they will be a successful hunter or target shooter.
I find that when my kids (and even when I was a kid) play army it allows for creativity to emerge and allows them to be a kid and have fun and isn't that what it should be about?
Guest_363201 says ....
I wasn't comfortable with my two boys having toy guns at first. But since they made "guns" from their mega blocks and anything else they could find anyways, I kinda gave up on it. Besides, toy guns are a lot safer than them playing sword fighting. No direct physical contact. I've realized that some things are naturally ingrained in us, and boys seem to have a natural tendency towards weapons whether you shield them from them or not. Teach your kids respect and the seriousness of weapons in the real world and everything should be fine.
Kat @jackstrawlane (not verified) says ....
I was dead set against it before I had children and when mine were toddlers. Our son still found ways to mimic shooting water at people and pretending to be a spy or cowboy. We've since allowed all manner of water guns and have the best family battles where no one is spared. As he grew older he and his friends would take old hockey sticks and turn them into guns in their epic battles agains imaginary zombies. It's about education and parenting. Our children (now 13 and 8) understand the difference between playtime and reality. I've told them my story of having a gun pointed at the small of my back in a subway. They understand the gravity and deadliness of such a weapon.
Anonymous (not verified) says ....
I've let my girls play with water guns lots. They don't ever play with them like 'bang, bang you're dead" kind of thing though, it's simply getting sprayed with water. I admit to being on the fence about toy guns. For the most part I have no problem with kids playing with them, but at the same time, I don't really like seeing them pointed at someone and saying "bang...I just shot so and so" kind of thing.
A little boy at the park the other day had a toy gun and was running around with it and I didn't think anything of it. But then he pointed it at my daughter and said the above comment and I kind of cringed inside. So I agree with the author of this article....as long as its not pointed at people/animals....I don't mind at all.
Anonymous says ....
Every parent should make there own choice, but personally I will allow my sons ( if ever I have any) to play with toy weapons. (I really liked the rules the author had for the toy gun.) I will choose to let them play with toy weapons because I believe there is a level of healthy masculine aggression in most boys that can be expressed through "war" play. Aggression in boys is often suppressed especially in school like centers, but it is often a natural and healthy expression of self in physical play.