Does "superior" parent labelling give us an inferiority complex?
Move over Tiger Mom, the French maman is the new superior parent du jour
Pantitram/iStockphoto.com
First it was the Chinese. In January of 2011, the Wall Street Journal excerpted a section of Amy Chua's book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother with the headline "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior." If you missed the ensuing media frenzy around the strict regimes of Asian parents, you probably had your head down changing a newborn. You also missed an opportunity to feel bad about your lackadaisical, liberal Western parenting.
Now that the hype has died down, a new super-parent has emerged to make us feel like we suck: The French Parent. Oh, it's not bad enough that The French are thinner than you (think: French Women Don't Get Fat), that they have benefits (like mother's helpers and other government support) that make the Canadian system look downright, um, American — no! It's not enough that they have the best brie and baguettes either (without getting fat, may I remind you), but apparently, they also have the BEST parents.
In a Wall Street Journal article entitled "Why French Parents Are Superior," American-born, Paris-living author, Pamela Druckerman, gives convincingly argues that French children are generally better behaved. She describes the French parent's goal to raise independent kids who have high levels of self-restraint. French children wait patiently: for maman to get off the phone, for their next meal and so on.
Full disclosure: I love France. But do I want to be compared to a French parent? No, because life à la française is pretty different in general (try 35-hour work-weeks and five weeks of vacation for starters) and we need to cut ourselves some slack as a result. Although there were parts of the article that made me think, "Hmm, she has a point," and parts that made me think, "Hmm, I think we're good at that," there were also parts when I felt like a failure.
While it's true that teaching children to wait is a grand skill (one the French view as education, not discipline), do we really need to feel worse about all the negotiating we're doing on this side of the pond? Are most of us really that bad?
That being said, perhaps we shouldn't be so sensitive. Maybe we should view these articles as something to learn from, rather than a total derision of how we're raising our kids. Just yesterday, I caught my kids playing quietly on their own as I cooked (good self-control), so a reminder to stand my ground when constantly asked for treats and snacks is welcome.
So what do you think? Are all these articles touting culturally superior parents a good thing, or do they just make you feel inferior?
Edited to add: Anne Kingston has an interview with Pamela Druckerman up at Macleans on this topic, if anyone wants more.
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What do you think?
HappyMom says ....
The root of all evil is this constant need to compare ourselves. Who is smarter? Who is thinner? Who raises better kids? Who's a better cook? WHO CARES????
Are your kids healthy and loving? Congrats! You are a great parent. PERIOD!
beton (not verified) says ....
Thanx beton
Solene (not verified) says ....
I am French and I lived in Canada. I take all the best of both ( french and canadian).
I read the article " Why parents are teh best" and some idea she writes about French are false and I am kind of surprise she lives in France.
dorechic (not verified) says ....
Sooooo this means actually all the cultures have some good and bad(!) ways/traditions with raising kids.. I think as a parent you need to come up with your own priorities, teach them what you want to be passed to the next generation (as they will only pick some of it to pass to the next, don't we all do that) and most importantly show your love in as many different ways you can.. If you love, they will love you back and the respect would follow... How good/superior of a mom you are is not about the 5 weeks vac or the postpartum doula... it is about you:)
Guest_330213 says ....
I like to think of it as an opportunity to learn something rather than feel inferior. Lord knows I'm not a perfect parent, but I'll always keep trying to get better :)
mamanaturale says ....
While I think the idea of leaving a crying newborn to "wait" is a little scary,I think learning from other cultures can be inspiring. Maybe our government can take some inspiration too. Who wouldn't love the costs of a postpartum doula to be covered?
Kat says ....
Every culture has priorities in what is considered crucial for a child to learn. It's tough not to feel inferior when we hear and see this and that parent doing things in a way we perceive as better. But let's not compare our faults or weakness or soft side (whatever you want to call it) with their strengths. I have French relatives and I can categorically state that there are many things we do here with regard to education and parenting that they wish to emulate.