Sick of the word bullying
Haley shares her thoughts about the "bullying" label in light of the now-viral video, in which news anchor Jennifer Livingston addresses a scathing email.
Earlier today on La Crosse, Wisconsin's News 8 This Morning, news anchor Jennifer Livingston issued a passionate on-air response to an email she received last Friday, written by a concerned male citizen. When Livingston's husband, a fellow anchor, posted the email on his Facebook page, a flood of support for Livingston poured in.
Here's the now-viral video:
As Livingston, a mother of three, shares in the video, the email she received contained the subject line "Community Responsibility," and read as follows:
It's unusual that I see your morning show, but I did so for a very short time today. I was surprised indeed to witness that your physical condition hasn't improved for many years. Surely you don't consider yourself a suitable example for this community's young people, girls in particular. Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain. I leave you this note hoping that you'll reconsider your responsibility as a local public personality to present and promote a healthy lifestyle.
As someone who struggles with weight, I was angered by this email. For one thing, being obese isn't typically a "choice" one makes. And in being overweight, Livingston is certainly not setting a bad example for "young people, girls in particular." On the contrary, she's showing young girls that people come in all different sizes.
In her on-air retort, she says:
The truth is, you could call me fat. And yes, even obese, on a doctor's chart. But to the person who wrote me that letter: Do you think I don't know that? That your cruel words are pointing out something that I don't see? You don't know me. You are not a friend of mine. You are not a part of my family and you have admitted that you don't watch the show. So you know nothing about me but what you see on the outside. And I am much more than a number on a scale.
While Livingston eloquently addressed the weight issue, she also chose to focus on the bullying aspect of the email, highlighting how rampant bullying is on the Internet (true that!) and in schools.
She closed with this powerful message:
Do not let your self-worth be defined by bullies. Learn from my experience that the cruel words of one are nothing compared to the shouts of many.
Amazing. Unfortunately, however, most children who are bullied aren't in the public spotlight and can't rely on the "shouts of many" for support. So I was a little put off by that part of the statement. Though the email was ignorant, uncalled-for and downright rude — and though Livingston should absolutely be proud of her message — not everything has to be about bullying. In throwing around the "bully" label so much, we enable our kids to define themselves as victims. This is what I fear is happening.
As a reality TV show devotee, I've witnessed two incidents in the last month in which a contestant cried on stage about being bullied, and claimed she was finally ready to take a stand by singing solo in front of millions. Singer Demi Lovato on The X Factor even hopped on stage crying to hug one of these contestants and congratulate her for singing through the tears. Gosh, even Simon Cowell got teary-eyed.
Yes, bullying is REAL, bullying needs TO BE STOPPED, and we need to continue to BRING AWARENESS to it because so many kids out there need the support that big bullying initiatives incite. But we also have to be cautious about overusing the label. We need to set stronger standards for our kids, rather than encourage them to play victim by making every negative incident they experience, every negative comment thrown their way, about bullying. Aren't rejection and criticism, for example, important aspects of growing up?
Have I myself been bullied? If you want to label it that way, YES. I even had to get police involved at one point. But I've never dwelled on it — I worked through it as a specific experience, without labeling myself as "bullied." It was a life experience that made me stronger. And that's the message we need to send to our kids: Forget, "Oh, you've been 'bullied,'" and focus on, "Let's fix this situation and get stronger."
What do you think?
Day in the life of Gwyneth Paltrow
RECALL: Children's and Infants' Little Remedies for Fevers
Body image survival guide for parents
Prenatal anxiety: Tips and treatment 
Healthy Family Challenge
RacheB says ....
Bravo Haley-O! Love your celeb stuff, and your parenting pieces. This line gave me chills - "Forget, "Oh, you've been 'bullied,'" and focus on, "Let's fix this situation and get stronger." It was easy for Livingston to fix her situation - that's because it wasn't bullying! Bullying isn never so cut-and-dry. This was a one-time incident, not by a person of power. And if she thinks that all kids have support, she's horribly wrong. Thetrevorproject.org is an amazing space for all those kids out there who are or feel totally alone. I'm so glad I wasn't the only one who cringed when Livingston jumped on the bully bandwagon. She deserves praise for sticking up for herself and showing strength, but she didn't have to make it about bullying. Keep up the great work!
Guest_344875 says ....
Hmmm... Bullying is defied as behaviour That "hurts or harms another person" and which the target "has difficulty stopping and struggles to defend him/herself". The message given to kids is to stand up for themselves in the face of bullying, and Ms. Livingston has done just that. She is setting an example of how to regain the power and dismiss the negative comments directed at her. Had she not addressed the comments and simply internalized her outrage (as most victims of bullying do) would you then have considered this bullying? To me, that email had a very condescending and mean spirited tone and was meant to make her feel bad/inadequate at her job (despite the comments having nothing to do with being a news anchor). The difference is that despite being a target, she is refusing to be a victim. I'm guessing this is not the first time that she's heard comments such as these so in this case she is standing up to not only this one man, but to a society that habitually and cruelly publicly humiliates people who are over-weight. As for the shouts of many- yes, bullied kids may not have a Facebook fan base where they receive support by people but many do have the support of their parents, teachers, and other peers. Your last comment- not just identifying being bullied but fixing the situation and getting stronger- is in fact what she done.
Haley Overland says ....
@Carrieferguson Thanks for the great comment. Sorry to hear you've been bullied. And I totally agree with your well-put statement that "we need to teach the difference between constructive criticism and harmful words." But I just have to emphasize that, while some people may be sick of the word bullying because "those bullied are not staying quiet anymore," as you said here, that's absolutely not what I've said in this article. It's the rampant misuse of the term that I find problematic. And, though I liked her speech, I didn't think Livingston had to conduct an anti-bullying crusade based on that piece of hate mail she received, as awful as it was.
Carrieferguson (not verified) says ....
Why are we sick of the word bullying? Because those affected by it are not staying quiet anymore! I have been bullied because I refused to sit idly by and watch and listen as someone else was being bullied. Bully's use all kinds of ways to tease, torment and torture their targets, I don't like the word victim because it implies that we are helpless and we are not.
It is sad tha we have to be so vigilant in teaching our children and others about bullying. It is sad that it is so commonplace and sad that so many still turn a blind eye or don't think that certain actions are bullying.
I wish she had addressed what the children who don't have such strong support behind them should do. As parents and educators we have an opportunity each and every day to tak with our children about the words they use and the affects they have on others. Show this video to your children, old enough to understand, use this as a teaching tool, ask them what they think bullying is? How something like this would make them feel or the person being targeted would feel?
We need to teach the difference between constructive criticism and harmful words.
The man from the email intended on hurting her by calling her fat, he did not offer constructive critisim by saying hey I am a personal trainer maybe I can come on the show and we could do a segment together or something helpful.
Frankie (not verified) says ....
I am so glad you posted this. While I agree that the email was insensitive, and I loved her response, it was NOT bullying. Critical? Yes. Unkind? Yes. Thoughtless and inaccurate? Yes. But BULLYING? I have been bullied. That is where the same three kids lay in wait for you every day after school so they can taunt you, throw snowballs at you, stick your head in the snow, trip you, grab your book bag, hurl insults at you and your family members. Every day. For several years. Trust me, I know about real bullying. We are getting to a point where the slightest criticism is prohibited. How will our children learn resilience, how to stand up for themselves, how to face failure in the real world if we prohibit ALL criticism? Some negativity is part of life and our children deserve to learn how to handle it.
Mara (not verified) says ....
YES. Not only do we need to stop misusing the word bully, we have to stop focusing on the victims. Until we take our eye to the bullies, and we let them know it's not ok, the problem will never end.
Chantal S. (not verified) says ....
I hear you about bandying the word around too much. It loses its effectiveness. For me, the line in the sand is if the actions / words are personal in nature.
Recently, I got into a Twitter fight with someone. They disagreed with me, saying that I was stupid and ignorant. Now... If she had said my ideas or my arguments were stupid, that's one thing. That's just a 'simple' way of disagreeing. But she didn't. She said I was stupid... It's a form of bullying, albeit an indirect form, because it served to shut down converstation / debate.
The email this anchor received was rude and insensitive but was she bullied in the strictest sense of the word? That's not for me to say. Obviously, she felt she was or she wouldn't have spent 4 minutes on television with countless YouTube re-views telling us about it. And she is letting us and the writer of the email know that she isn't going to be shut down by it, she isn't going off the air and she isn't going to let his words affect her. So it's a good message about bullying, regardless of our individual perceptions of the impact of the email's words.
:)
Haley Overland says ....
So true, Chantal. I love your point about preaching to the converted. So sorry to hear your son is being targeted and that the school's not helping. My son is teeny too, and I worry about what it'll be like for him when he's older.
Chantal (not verified) says ....
I had the same thought after watching the vid and when she said her "shouts of many" comment. My son is being targeted because of his size and no one comes to his defense, the school doesn't rally around him. He is alone when he has to deal with it (until he comes home and talked to us). Video's like this are important reminders but to me they preach to the converted. Watching a video is important. Doing something when you see victimization happening is MORE important. We can't let cruel, unnecessary acts go on. I also don't like to throw the word "bully" around.