Health and fitness: Setting realistic goals
Kristin writes about how the average mom can be totally fit. Desire is the only major requirement.
Photo by Kristin Auger.
I do my Twitter catch-up late at night, after the dishes have been placed haphazardly in the dishwasher and after the baby's bum has been patted enough times to enable him to drift off to sleep. The day, inevitably, has been long: A 6 a.m. wake-up coo from our five-month-old, scrambled eggs and lunchbox prep for our six-year-old off to summer camp. I mainline coffee, eyes bleary in the morning, and thrust my hair up into an off-the-face bun, grateful that I conduct most of my day's meetings by phone and not in person. There are swirls of imperfection all around the house — laundry piled high in the baby's crib because I can't get to it and post-pregnancy hair fallout, clumped in the sink because there are more important things to clean. My husband's work shirts that have been en route to the dry cleaner for three weeks now.
I'm a career woman and a wife and a mother of a baby with two newly rearing teeth and most days I feel like I'm not capable of any of these titles. I need to reassure my sensitive older son and put together winning proposals, I need to clean and jerk 130 pounds, I need to write about all of these experiences and present them on the Internet for impending judgments and I'm a little behind on all these tasks. There are dents and bruises in my life package, and I am aware of this and I'm perpetually trying to smooth them out with hands that are simultaneously juggling six other balls.
But, at the end of the evening when my babies are sleeping and the house is semi-clean and the sun has faded into grey light, I have a few minutes to myself. I catch up on my Facebook feed, flip through the few blogs I still read regularly and check my frequently neglected Twitter account. Tonight I see a reply to the Today's Parent tweet that promoted my post from last week.
@Todaysparent: 4 months postpartum: Our @lucky_kristin (and those abs!) compares her pre-baby goals and her postpartum fitness.
And the reply that made me blink:
@Todaysparent, @luckykristin No thanks. I don't want to read about it because it makes me feel bad. Not realistic for the average Mom.
I am overly sensitive these days: Lack of sleep and a feeling of drowning in obligation, likely, but tears pricked at my eyelids. Not realistic? How? Exercise is what keeps me from falling apart in defeat, from eating or drinking my way to complacency and the one thing that spurs me into a belief that I can manage all my obligations, that maybe I am stronger than I think.
It's not the first time that I've heard that my fitness stories are unrelatable to the average woman. One friend commented to me that she cannot relate to almost anything I write here, even though we had babies that were due on the same day. Another very respected pal told me that there's no way in hell that the average woman is going to look like I do four months postpartum. And I nod thoughtfully and I don't want to offend by saying it out loud, but I guess I want to ask — well then, who is this average woman? Because in every way I'm completely average: A totally typical Canadian Mama.
I'm in my 30s, with two little boys. I have a husband and a full-time career, and we juggle every month to make our mortgage payments and eat healthy foods and ensure our boys have ample activity and clothes. We have a window that leaks downstairs and Corey and I share a 10-year-old Jeep that smells like old man feet. We love hard and we have stupid arguments and we've conquered demons and accomplished some cool things and we both want to exploit life to maximum capacity. Don't we sound like every other family you know?
I look at my Twitter stream and I reply:
It's not unrealistic. It's a matter of priorities, and whether you want to do it or not.
You may not want to be fit, because there are way more important things in life, or because you're too busy. I get that, and it's completely fine. You may want to save the whales or invent a shuttle to Mars or use your Twitter voice to implore Lindsay Lohan to please get it together already and I agree that every one of those things is noble and worthy to someone and that all people must choose their priorities in life. I just write a totally optional blog on a tiny corner of the Internet with some random thoughts about exercise and what has helped me in my quest to be lean, strong and healthy.
I don't waver in my belief that if you are an average North American mom and you want to be fit, you can be. If you want to avoid processed food and bloating foods, you can. If you want to start feeling better about your body and understand that you can get faster, leaner and stronger as you get older, there is so much room to do that.
I've made fitness a priority in my life because it lends me patience in parenting and confidence in my abilities and in the body that motors me around this earth, that caters to my boys. It gives me an activity to do with my husband, an experience we can share apart from parenting our kids. My four-month postpartum body is the result of healthy eating and consistent skipping, running and lifting, not because I'm not an "average mom." I don't do anything insane, extreme or unrealistic.
Essentially: If you want to do it, you can. Grab a skipping rope and bookmark some Paleo or raw eating websites. Throw out your Wonder Bread. Go to Crossfit.com and do what they say, or make your own workout. Squeeze in 20 minutes a day of hard sweat: You can do it, I know you can. Log your progress, enlist a friend to keep you accountable. Push yourself hard every day. Do this for 30 days in a row, then aim for 60. You're average, yes. And you're capable of so much more, if you want it.
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Father's Day
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Vaska (not verified) says ....
Wow what a marvelous coencpt! Pregnancy is such a beautiful miracle, I'm so glad to see over the years that it has become open and wonderful. Jennifer your photography is amazing.
Feriel (not verified) says ....
She is gorgeous! Kristen-you are aznmiag! That little bunny is adorable and Danielle's hair looks fantastic:) You really captured all of that sweetness and love. I love it!Mavity
kristinauger says ....
Sorry for the delayed response, all - this summer has been nuts and I'm not notified of comments here so it tends to slip my mind.
Marj - Agreed, families should and can be fit together -- I think it's a bonding agent and is fully worth the scrounging for time.
Cupcake - I love hearing from the single mamas and will never forget that period in my life as one of the most challenging, sad, and life-altering. I love hearing that you are making time for you. Keep at it.
sfox - I think I've said before that if I couldn't exercise I'd turn to something way more destructive - I'm high strung and sometimes anxious, and exercise definitely helps me be "normal".
LizScott, I adore you and that is all. :-)
Jennifer - Thank you. I wish everyone on the Internet was like you.
Maggie - Strength is totally where it's at and I love that you care.
Rural Life - Making the commitment is hard, and yes, a lot of people don't want to do it and that's fine. For me, the commitment is fully worth it - glad it seems to be for you, too.
Nancy- You're right about needing support. Social media can often help form groups -- could you possibly initiate a Mom's group in your area where you rotate with local Moms who will help each other get a workout in? Or get a neighbour to hang out for half an hour while you skip rope in the garage? I'd help you if I could!
Dorie: It's just as crappy to make one feel bad about being thin as it is the opposite -- sorry to hear that.
Annabel - An ordinary Mom with an extraordinary passion - I love that, thank you for it.
Yaya - Thank you :-)
Anonymous: The only vindictive behavior I see here are trollish anonymous comments on the Internet. Lame.
Annoymous: You will never hear me argue that sometimes a beer + bad TV = heaven. :-) Your motto is totally sound.
annoymous (not verified) says ....
Love this post. I think an important point to stress is that it's Okay if it isn't your individual priority. Somethings truly do take priority over others in your life. I used Exercise as a tremendous escape my senior year in college (Working out 3 hours a day plus), because I simply hated my classes and I loved the endorphin rush I got. This past year, I can count on one hand the amount of times i've worked out. Yes, a physician would find that deplorable- but hell my psychiatrist and therapist are fine with it- I've been happy and busy with my career, family, and my boyfriend. My motto is now to do what I feel like and makes me the happiest. Some periods in my life, it is at the gym- but other times its on the couch having a beer watching bad TV with the boyfriend. And nothing is wrong with that :)
Anonymous says ....
You are such a vindictive human being Kristin. Insecure and vindictive. Sad.
yaya (not verified) says ....
Amazing post. Adore the post & you. Rock on mama.
Annabel Fitzsimmons (not verified) says ....
Really great post, Kristin. Every day we make choices about how we spend our time, and your experiences/writings are an inspiration to choose health and fitness as part of that. It doesn't mean you don't still go through the same trials and tribulations of motherhood simply because you are extremely fit. I think you are an average mom with an extraordinary passion which, in turn, inspires others. Here's to that:)
Dorie (not verified) says ....
I'm a mother of three children and I'm a runner. I have all the usual responsibilites of being an adult - job, house, marriage, etc.. I'm in great shape. NO ONE else in my family or social circle can relate to me. That is why I read your blog. Keep it up. In my area, 33% of the population is obese. It's disgusting. I wish more people would make healthy living a priority instead of bitching about how terrible they look and/or trying to make me feel bad for being thin.
Nancee76 (not verified) says ....
I don't think it's a matter of priority, you need support!!!! I would love to workout regularly but do not have anyone to watch my kids for me to do so. We have equipment in our basement. I have a three year old and a 5 month old. When my three year old was in preschool full time I workedout 4 to 6 times a week when baby was sleeping. Now my three year old is in preschool part-time (2 times a week) and my 5 month old takes very short naps during the day. We walk everyday but I've "workedout" only once in the last 2 weeks. The equipment in the basement is getting dusty. I find it difficult to make time to workout because I don't have the support I need, my health is a priority for me!
Rural Life (not verified) says ....
I totally admire what you have done!! I have a 5 month old and a 2 year old and I struggle everyday to sweat, either run 10K or do a P90X video.. but I will say its not average.
I believe everyone can do it as well but you have to have a huge commitment to fitness and health to actually make this a reality and a priority, and many women don't have that commitment.
Maggie (not verified) says ....
Most average women don't train with free weights in the gym. or even care about being strong and having definition. But I do, and I am happy that you are not within the average because I can relate to you (not the abs part though, ha ha). That is why I read your blog.
Jennifer Pinarski says ....
Well said Kristen!
LizScott (not verified) says ....
Like you say - it's just a matter of priorities. Maybe the "average" person doesn't prioritize fitness or Paleo, but I think we're almost...almost getting bullied into thinking it's not ok to talk about/to the people who DO prioritize it. Like "[pat pat pat on the head] Isn't that nice for YOU, but let's get back to talking about *real* people's lives now, and by the way, stop making us feel bad; that's mean." But you're real, and so am I, so... let's keep the conversation going. It's nice to finally see a lifestyle that I can relate to being represented here.
I'm glad for this blog, because I like to see/hear from others that live this way. Thanks for writing.
sfox (not verified) says ....
Very well said! Exercise is what keeps me from falling apart as well, and I applaud your "average" efforts. :)
Cupcake says ....
Well said Kristin. I have been following you since before you met Corey. You continued to be an inspiration. Like you I put diet and fitness at the top of my list. I'm a single working mama juggling an outside the home profession and parenting without any family/other parent help. If I can do it - anyone can! People often say - well she has good genes. Maybe so - but I work hard to stay fit and eat well and I do it because it makes me a better mama, friend and career lady. I have had help two evenings a week since I've been single parenting so that I can workout. I also workout a few times a week after my son goes to bed or on the weekends when the gym has childcare. I make clean eating a priority - it doesn't have to be a strict Paleo diet. Track what you eat and try to make it clean. You will be amazed at how great you feel. Make time for yourself and stop the guilt! Your family will thank you!
Marj (not verified) says ....
Good for you! Your goals are made for you, by you - just like my goals are mine. For someone to say they are unrealistic, well that's a matter of opinion. Anyone who has the desire to be fit can make it happen. Saying you don't have the time or the energy is just an excuse, it may be a valid excuse, but one none-the-less. People need to become educated in fitness and in health, when you lack energy, fitness can give it back to you.
it is sometimes difficult to fit that fitness time in when you work full time, have kids, a husband, and everything else that happens in life, but you do it.
For me, I have trouble leaving my children in the evening to go for a walk or go to exercise class because they are usually in bed by the time I get home, and I have already been away from them all day. But I don't do it everyday, other days I take them in the stroller or on their bikes, trying to fit in the exercise as family time.
The average family should, and can, be fit together!