A scheduled C-section and no regrets
Kristin reflects on the birth of her first son and how it led to her decision to go with a C-section the second time around
My first son, one week post C-section and utterly perfect.
In three weeks, I'll be giving birth to my second boy via scheduled C-section. I'm neither apologetic nor any less of a woman because of it.
***
“It’s so great you’re exercising so consistently right till the end,” says my neighbour, brown eyes earnest and warm. "I’ve heard that it can make labour so much easier and the recovery so much faster.”
I smile and nod and I choose not to tell her that, actually, I won’t be experiencing labour this time around. I’ve grown uncomfortable with the discomfort of other women when I tell them that I have a scheduled C-section plan and that, in fact, although it’s medically indicated, I did have some choice in the matter. I’m OK with it, I really am. But it makes me uneasy that so many other women are dismayed on my behalf, that there seems to be this pervasive belief that a Caesarian section is a robber of womanhood, a nefarious thief of a beautiful rite of passage; an ugly representation of repression of femininity and womanhood.
I don’t hold that opinion.
My first son came into the world via emergency C-section, after 14 hours of excruciating, Pitocin-induced labour. I was nearly two weeks overdue with him and remember being intensely relieved when my physician informed me during my routine visit that my blood pressure was high and that they were going to induce me. I was uncomfortable and lead-weight and crotchety and so very ready to meet my firstborn.
Labour didn’t go as expected; though I’m not sure there’s any such thing as 'expected' or 'normal' when a woman is about to excrete a brand new human being into the world.
The Pitocin created fast, breathtakingly painful contractions with almost no rest time in between. The pain was nearly unbearable and dilation just wasn’t happening for me. After 14 hours of the worst pain I’d ever experienced, times a thousand, my cervix had only dilated four centimeters. The baby was in distress and I had exhausted my tears. If a kind stranger had appeared at the end of my sweat- soaked hospital bed and offered to throw me into the lake free of charge, I would have ecstatically taken him up on his offer. I was beyond exhausted and frustrated and terrified about the ramifications of all the drugs in my body for my baby boy. An emergency C-section was ordered and I was wheeled into a sterile room by a team of earnest nurses in blue booties.
I was never particularly traumatized by my birth experience, especially since Nolan was a robust, strappingly healthy baby boy. Sure, I wish I could have bonded with him immediately after he was pulled out of me, but I understood that he was so large, he needed to be tested for medical issues, and I was so numb, I couldn’t have held him myself anyway. I didn’t like the feeling of my frozen legs or C-section gash, and, admittedly the long recovery was a bit of a pain. I was a little perplexed a few years ago, when I watched Ricki Lake’s documentary, The Business of Being Born. There were countless women who were induced, given Pitocin, failed to progress and ended up traumatized in emergency, trapped into Caesarian sections that seemed to be created by a dubious system of induction, pain drugs and failure to progress.
Lake’s documentary pointed the finger at a greedy medical system in the U.S. intent on garnering big bucks out of totally unnecessary birth surgeries.
Was that me? I wondered. Was I a pawn of the medical system? Was I somehow robbed of something sacred because my baby was cut out of me rather than pushed? Was I totally denied a sacred rite of passage?
But then I paused and concluded: I was heavily overdue when I was 41+ weeks pregnant with Nolan. I was miserable. My baby weighed more than 10 pounds at birth. I almost certainly wouldn’t have been able to push him out anyway. In the end, I had a healthy child and a healthy body. That’s all that mattered, truly.
I’ve thought about it extensively and I don’t have a shred of bitterness about my birth experience. I don’t feel shortchanged, and I’m not filled with defiant zeal to have a vaginal birth this time.
Six months ago, when my OB recommended a scheduled C-section for this baby, I nodded quickly in agreement. He believes that it’s likely that even if labour weren’t induced this time, I am very likely to fail to progress again. My baby might go into distress yet again and even if I tried diligently for a VBAC, chances were good that this birth experience would again end in an emergency C-section. But, he said, ultimately the choice was up to me and he would support my decision if I wanted to try for a vaginal birth after my first C-section.
I thought for less than two seconds. I thought about the many blog posts and magazine articles I’d read over the years by new moms who’d extolled the spiritual beauty of a birth in a bath tub, free of medical intervention and full of raw, pure female power.
And I think I get it, as much as it’s possible to “get” something I’ve never fully experienced. I understand the uniquely powerful beauty of hard work and the feeling of reward after you’ve pushed yourself beyond your understood limits. It’s why I’ve always been dogged in my career pursuits, why I claim to “enjoy” the always brutally taxing Crossfit workouts. A reward is so much more delicious when you grunt and push and feel pain for it.
But, I have no regrets about the fact that on February 16th, I won’t be screaming in agony while pushing my baby out. I won’t feel robbed or bullied by my doctors. I will have made an informed decision to mitigate trauma to my baby and useless agony to myself by planning for a relatively safe medical procedure that’s been done hundreds of thousands of times before. I’ll go in knowing that my recovery will be longer, that my abdomen will be more sore and that I may not have the opportunity to immediately cradle and breastfeed my baby.
But I’ll also go in knowing that my husband's arms await him if mine cannot, and that, ultimately, I’ll be making the best decision possible for a safe and distress-free entrance into the world for our son. I don’t feel robbed or blighted or any degree less of a woman; I’m just grateful for the opportunity to make an informed choice to bring my baby into the family that’s so excited to meet him, no matter how he arrives.
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What do you think?
Ixy (not verified) says ....
Amen. Thank you for writing this!
Irene101 says ....
My second child was a scheduled c-section. After almost losing our first child (won't go into it but blessings to our medical professionals) I couldn't bear the thought that history might repeat itself and that our second might also be endangered. Got 2 healthy children, and its magic.
Naomi (not verified) says ....
Hi, I don't know if it's different in the UK but I too had a scheduled c-section and was able to a) immediately hold my baby whilst the surgeon finished up and b) almost immediately breastfeed my baby too. I have no regrets: as you say, what really, ultimately matters is healthy baby and healthy mom and then, y'know, the many, many years of parenting that hopefully follow! Enjoy it: it's no less magical an experience than any other kind of birth. And as I'm sure you know from your experience with your eldest child, the birth is just the beginning of that magic. xx
Christine (not verified) says ....
Forgot to mention in my last post that although I did not get to see my son for almost 3 hours after he was born due to his lack of health and my low blood pressure, after my daughter was born via planned c-section my husband held her right beside me right after delivery and I even had her in my arms for a bit while the doctor was "closing me up." As soon as we went into the recovery room I was breastfeeding her. It was amazing! (It had been more than a day before they let me try to nurse my son.)
Christine (not verified) says ....
My first child was born after 30+ hours of labour and a failure to progress beyond 4cm. After an epidural so my husband and I could finally sleep and then pitocin, my son's heartrate dropped. I was rushed into the OR for a C-section. He was unwell initially, but bounced back to good health within 24hours. Initially, I did feel robbed of that vaginal delivery. I was ready to go through it drug-free... I had prepared myself mentally and physically. That was 4 years ago. 2 years ago I gave birth to a healthy daughter via planned C-section. My OB had tried to convince me to do a VBAC so I did the research and it all pointed to that, but I just couldn't. I had to do what I was comfortable with. I knew what to expect from a c-section and, like you, I didn't want to put my baby girl through that trauma. And I didn't want my husband and I to go through that horrible stress and worry. It was so hard for him to see his baby in the NICU and his wife having a painful recovery after our son's birth. So, I would not budge. I had a scheduled c-section and my beautiful, healthy daughter was born. My recovery was so much quicker having not had to experience the physical and emotional stress of an "emergency" birth. The OB told me right after the operation that there is a lot to be said for mother's intuition. He said that my uterus was so thin that a VBAC would likely have been disasterous for me and my baby girl. So, I say to all women faced with a similar decision... do what you are comfortable with and feel good about it! We moms know what we are doing!
RaspberryRags says ....
Okay, clearly I assumed this blog's comments were moderated! Please delete my last post, I seem to be unable to do so myself.
Thanks!
Dana (not verified) says ....
Nobody uses a horse in a plough anymore. Fewer women die or get permanent damage during childbirth. Science is here to help us live better - and suffering like an animal whilecputting your baby in distress serves nobody but self-righteous "natural" birth fans... I had very similar experience with my two children, and they're healthy and advanced and my total pride and joy. Where is the downside? My recovery times were record-short, I was up on the same day, and I'd do it again with no hesitation. Future moms, don't let anyone guilt you or brainwash you into decisions that are yours and yours only!
Anonymous says ....
Exactly the same experience with both my babies: emergency C-section after being induced, the first time, and scheduled, the second time around. I still don't see the downside - I was up the same day, and my recovery times were record-short. Both my kids are advanced and healthy and my total pride and joy. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
To every judgmental "natural or all else is wrong" person out there, I say, science and knowledge are here to help us through a horrific experience, and I'll take the modern advantages when they exist. Nobody is going back to plough and a horse, fewer women are dying or getting permanent damage at childbirth, and I absolutely enjoy living - and giving birth - in the 21st century.
HM (not verified) says ....
My first was born via an emergency section and I found it pretty alarming (I still remember all the comotion, being rushed down the hall in the stretcher and not understanding what was happening due to fatigue...yikes). I'd really hoped for a VBAC for my second child, but she grew quickly and was believed >10 lbs near the end so I agreed to a planned C-section. What a difference! Everything was so calm, I felt like she was in arms within no time and she nursed in recovery. Planned C-section meant I was rested before surgery and recovery seemed much easier than the first time. I hope you have as positive an experience Krisitn. In hindsight, I'm really glad for my choice and I bet you will be too. (Congratulations!)
Kristie (not verified) says ....
I believe you have to do what is best for you and your baby, regardless of what other people think. If you are happy with your decision, then that is all that matters. I too, chose to have a C-Section to deliver my second daughter. It was the safest way to go for both her and me and I don't second-guess my decision one bit.
Amanda (not verified) says ....
Good for you for making a decision and sticking to it and being so positive about it. I had an emergency section with my first after 30 hours of labour, he moved to become posterior, he had a big head, was over 10 pounds and I failed to progress, I was given Pitocin which made the labour awful, after pushing for an hour and a half I had the section. I don't feel like I missed out, I got to experience the whole thing minus the actual delivery, now I am pregnant with my second and I think I have already decided I will be scheduling a section. If I had been successful in a vaginal delivery the first time I would not even be considering a surgical birth, but that is not the case and so I too must make a decision that is best for my family. I think I will also be keeping my decision to myself so that I don't get those looks or have people try to convince me otherwise.
batvillian mom says ....
I too had the first via emergency c-section. My water broke at home with no contractions and I was put on Pitocin for 8-10 hrs. I didn't start to dilate until after the pitocin was stopped. I then dilated to 9.75 cm and 4 hrs later was still 9.75 cm (her head was too big so I had a c-section). The second time around I opted to try for the VBAC, labour started Friday morning, contractions were 7 mins apart and the labour progressed as I expected it to (based on books and prenatal classes). I went into the hospital to be checked as the contractions were getting stronger, longer and closer together at 4:30 Saturday afternoon. The doctor broke my water as she was worried about the baby (I had a fever). I then dilated from 2 to 10 cms in 1hr and started to push, but my baby was face up and her heart rate was not recovering well after the contractions. So I had another emergency c-section, the traumatizing thing for me was when once they took out my baby and said its a girl it seemed that it took at least 15 minutes before she cried (according to my husband it was less than 1 minute). I had an easier time recovering with the second than the first. I think that had I scheduled the c-section I would have saved both my daughter and I the stress. In the end both my daughter and I were healthy and that is the only thing that matters in the birth of a child.
Another mom (not verified) says ....
Good for you for being confident in your decision! You should be; it's YOUR body! As someone else mentioned, all that matters is that mom & baby are healthy. Frankly, I wish I'd had a c-section as opposed to the severe complications I had during labour & delivery (which I still haven't recovered from). As for other women judging, I find it really irritating that people think it's OK to speak up (or raise an eyebrow, or simply "hmmmm..." Women are so judgemental of one another when it comes to birth and child rearing. Yet it's the time in our lives we're in the greatest need of support.
Desiree (not verified) says ....
I'm with you! I'm happy I planned my second c-section and don't feel like I've missed a thing.
Janice (not verified) says ....
I had a "normal" birth with my first (via forceps after almost three hours of pushing). The result was a third degree tear. Not much fun. Recovery took weeks. When it came time to discuss the delivery of our second child, my OBGYN suggested either a really controlled vaginal delivery or a planned c-section. We went with the planned c-section with absolutely no regrets. I had friends that thought I was crazy, but frankly it was a great decision. I felt better, faster and didn't experience the pain that I did the first time around. Good for you for making a decision that works for you and your family.
Allison (not verified) says ....
The only thing that matters is a healthy baby and healthy mom. How they arrive here does not matter. I too have experienced the looks when people discover I had 2 c-sections. I know one of my closest friends felt bad after my first section and even though her first delivery was horrendously long and painful. And I definitely know that when we were each pregnant with our seconds at the same time, that she did not understand or agree with my decision for a planned section. When my daughter finally flipped into perfect birthing position, my OB asked if this changed my mind I was ready to wait for labour. No, it didn't. Citing all the reasons I had listed seven months before, I said that my failure to progress (beyond 2 cm) & failure to even have contractions with pitocin with my son, as well as family history had led me to believe that c-section was the only way. Wouldn't you know it, but my daughter was born almost a month early and had to be delivered by c-section. Labour of course failed to progress, my uterus was starting to split open and despite having been in the perfect position a week before, my daughter had managed yet again to get turned around.
You know your body, and you know what you are comfortable with. Be proud of your new little bundle and know that you did all that you could to bring them into the world in the safest and healthiest manner that you could.
veggiechick says ....
I'm happy to hear that you are at peace with your decision to have a planned c/s. After my first planned (breech) and then my attempt at a VBAC only to have an emergency c/s (baby in distress after 51 hrs of labour), I'm still not at peace. I feel like I was cheated by not being able to experience a vaginal birth. I have two healthy kids so I know it doesn't really matter how they get here, but I feel like I have missed out on something. I'm now scared of having a third child because I know I will likely have to get another c/s. I didn't like the recovery of a c/s with an older child to take of and I am sad about my very visible scarring.
Good luck - and I'm jealous of your positive attitude towards the procedure!
livehappe says ....
Women should birth wherever they feel most comfortable. I have four children- 1 natural birth, 1 vaginal birth w/ epidural, and twins by C-section. Every experience was different and had its own sets of pros and cons. Go with your intuition, mamas, and be kind to moms who choose something different than you.
RaspberryRags says ....
While I am in practice a home birth advocate who believes birth has become over-medicalized in our sociey, I ultimately support women's right to choice when it comes to reproductive issues and find it disheartening that women feel they have to defend these choices.
What I would like to contribute to the dialogue is a different characterization of birth. Instead of framing it as an athletic achievement, an off shoot of the 'no pain, no gain' model of exercising popular these days, I see it as simply a natural and normal process that my body was made to do. There was no need to push myself beyond my limits because I consider natural birth to be well within my abilities.
Sometimes intervention is necessary. I developed complications late in my first pregnancy, was induced early and, like you, endured the dreaded Pitocin contractions. (After a prolonged labour, I was able to deliver vaginally despite the fact the baby was occipital posterior.)
My second birth occurred at home. I was very relaxed in familiar surroundings and delighted to go into labour naturally. In the absence of Pitocin labour builds slowly and steadily and is completely manageable.
I'll take it over Crossfit any day ;)
Best wishes on your section.
doulamel says ....
Just as an aside - I have attended quite a few planned cesarean births and because of the fact that it is planned, often babies can be laid skin to skin on the mother's chest after their initial check and the second apgar can be done while on mom. Many mother's have breastfed in recovery, and this is an option we have if all is well with mother and baby.
Michelle McIntosh (not verified) says ....
My water broke, I had minor brakston hicks, and during some of them my son's heart rate dropped so low that it was so scary.... nurses running, iv's "just in case"... I had done pre-natal yoga to prepare....I wanted to hold my son right away.... but in the end, it was happy, healthy 9lb 1 oz baby boy with a Big head! I am not convinced I could have pushed him out.... I never got to feel a real contraction and it really was something I had wished for when I dreamed of having a family from 16 years on..... so yes I was robbed in a way, but also blessed in so many more. I am no less a mom but I still have my boy. Not so sure, I wouldn't choose a less painful way next time.... if there is one. Do what feels right.
Guest_358817 says ....
I agree that women should be able to make an informed decision regarding the right birth for them. However, I resent the suggestion that the only reason a woman would choose a VBAC is to 'secure her womanhood'.
A c-section is a major abdominal surgery with real risks to the mother, both short and long term. There are also real risks to the baby. There are risks to breastfeeding success. The recovery is slow and painful. Since it's a repeat c-section, Mom will be limited as to what she can do physically not only with her newborn, but also with her older child. How do you tell a young child, going through the uncertainty of being displaced by a new baby, that you can't pick them up for 6 weeks?
It's not to say that repeat c-sections aren't medically called for, many times they are. However, many times they medically, are not. There is no reason to believe that 'failure to progress' will occur again. Just as there's no reason to believe that a baby will be breech again. Since VBACs are not induced (as a general rule, ask your practitioner), Mom will not have to experience the overwhelming pitocin contractions which are not indicative of a natural birth. A VBAC attempt, with spontaneous labour can still occur. Just as if complications arise, a c-section can also, still be conducted.
I wonder if this Mom was evaluated by using a Bishop Score? To see if her body was ready to be induced? If her body and baby simply weren't ready, no medical intervention is going to 'make' them ready.
Again, please don't read this as "she should be going for a VBAC". If you are at peace with your decision, so be it. However try not to be on the defensive too much, discouraging VBAC considering Mom's. As you said, the decision is yours, just as the decision for them, is theirs.
Jennifer Pinarski says ....
What's the deal with pitocin and unplanned sections?! That was my first labour and delivery as well. I had a VBAC the second time around. Ironically enough, it was the VBAC that was the most traumatizing for me.
Enjoy these last few weeks, keep working out and enjoy YOUR birth.
Sarah (mrsgryphon) (not verified) says ....
Like you, I had an agonizing labour with our first daughter - over 30 hours of Cervidil- and Pitocin-induced labour which resulted in an ultrasound to determine that she was breech. After a ridiculously awful recovery from an emergency c-section (I *had* dilated to 8.5, and my body had done all but push that baby out - to add a c-section recovery to that stress meant it was painful and drawn out month before I could do much of anything on my own with my girl). When it came time for that chat about delivering the 2nd baby, I still leapt at the chance for a scheduled c-section. I wanted none of that uncertainty, and felt like I had experienced enough labour pains to last a lifetime. I didn't need to actually push a baby out to feel like I had earned my stripes as a Mother. In the end, the actual "delivering" of the baby is such a miniscule fraction of time compared to the hours and years of parenting ahead, the idea that those few hours in a hospital or in your own bed at home should impact the quality of your mothering does, admittedly, astonish me.
Natasha Williams-Reynolds (not verified) says ....
Oh how I wish that we women would just be supportive of each other. As long as our little darlings make it into this world safe and healthy, and mom is healthy and happy, it really doesn't matter. Good luck to you! Looking forward to seeing photos of you and your little one!
Erin Fowler (not verified) says ....
Good for you for feeling peace with your decision. For the delivery of my second, had I known beforehand how traumatic my labour and delivery would be and how long (and painful) the recovery process from an emergency forcep delivery was, I would have opted for a c-section myself!
Best wishes to you and your family during this exciting time!
Allison (not verified) says ....
I also had an unplannet C-section for our oldest daughter and then a planned section for our next (and last) little girl. For the first section, I'd gone through 12 hours of inducing with virtually no results and then had all medication stopped abruptly when Sarah's heartrate started going down. It was determined that my pelvis is funnel shaped and so she was more or less stuck and therefore nothing was happening except her headed toward distress; a very scary situation. Ashley's section and birth was much calmer and the recovery was actually much easier as my body hadn't gone through partial labor leading up to it. Now we're heading towards their 7th and 4th birthdays on February 19 and 21 and I know I wouldn't have changed a thing the second time around. Wishing you all the best with your boys!
lisadurbin says ....
Despite my mad hippy home birthin' ways, I truly believe that women should birth how and where they feel safest - whether that's in an operating room, a hospital bed, or on your dining room floor. What matters is doing what's best for YOU (and your baby, obviously) based on the best information possible. A planned c-section has a few benefits because you can think about certain things ahead of time, like whether or not you want music, asking to see the sex of the baby yourself, the possibility of cutting the cord, etc. You can make that birth as special and "natural" as you'd like.
Birth isn't a contest! It's all about feeling safe.