BEHAVIOUR AND DEVELOPMENT

Come on, ’fess up: You’ve got a few, um, quirky behaviours you’re not proud of, right? Maybe you gnaw on an irritating bit of cuticle when you’re under pressure. Or pick those little bumps on your arm when bored. While most grown-ups have the sense and manners to ply these practices in private, our children often gnaw and pick whenever the mood strikes. Granted, it’s developmentally normal behaviour. But that doesn’t make it easier to stomach. Before you start an all-out assault on your kid’s habits, remember this: Time and patience usually resolve the problem (their time, your patience). While you’re waiting it out, arm yourself with a few facts.

Hair Twirling

How it starts: The sight of hair twirling like a hyperkinetic helicopter prop might elevate your blood pressure, but it calms your child. “Hair’s like a built-in security blanket,” says Ian Landells, a paediatric dermatologist from St. John’s, Newfoundland. “It’s soft, it feels good and the repetitive motion of moving it through the fingers is soothing.” Kids twirl when they’re tired, anxious or engaged in passive activities like watching TV. Because of their longer locks, girls are more likely to twirl than boys. (For the same reason, they’re also the predominant practitioners of that other icky habit: hair sucking.)

So what’s the problem? For most twirlers, nothing. In one or two percent of cases, hair twirling evolves into a condition called trichotillomania, with sufferers pulling their hair — and less commonly, eyebrows, eyelashes and pubic hair — out in patches. It can be a sign your child’s not coping well with stress. Or it may be compulsive. The best chance for a permanent cure is early treatment.

What you can do: “Distraction is the best technique,” says Landells. “Chances are your child’s not going to be twirling her hair when she’s running around or playing a game.” During downtime, keep restless hands busy with things that simulate the feel of hair like feathers, pipe cleaners or satin ribbons.

Fidgeting

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How it starts: There’s a tendency to automatically label fidgety kids as “hyperactive,” says Barbara Fitzgerald, a developmental paediatrician with Vancouver’s Sunny Hill Health Centre for Children. But a host of other reasons — including pent-up energy — could explain Junior’s inability to make it through the school day without bouncing in his seat like a jack-in-the-box. “Maybe he’s just bored. Maybe he can’t understand what’s being said because of a learning disability or a language comprehension issue,” suggests Fitzgerald. “Or maybe he’s having trouble paying attention because he’s upset about something at home.”

So what’s the problem? Contrary to popular opinion, fidgety kids aren’t necessarily inattentive kids, says Fitzgerald. “Some children are able to concentrate better when they move around.” But even if seat wiggling, foot tapping and pencil rolling help your child focus, those behaviours agitate and disrupt others. The result? Your kid gets a reputation as a troublemaker.

What you can do: Encourage him to release energy with a quiet movement toy — like a stress ball or beanbag. Talk to your child’s teacher about fidget-busting strategies like allowing kids to stand beside their desks or giving the class frequent movement breaks. If you’re really concerned, have your child assessed.

Knuckle Cracking

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How it starts: The joints of the hand are surrounded by little capsules containing a lubricant called synovial fluid. Bend or pull on the fingers, and gas bubbles burst out of that fluid. “It’s a bit like what happens when you open a can of pop,” says Natalia Lishchyna, a chiropractor in Mississauga, Ontario. That sound effect is probably what keeps your child cracking.

So what’s the problem? Despite what your mom may have told you, no one knows for sure if knuckle cracking leads to arthritis. Still, Lishchyna is no fan of the habit. “Even though there’s a lack of clinical evidence, we don’t know that, long term, it couldn’t cause a problem,” she says. “Besides, it’s annoying.”

What you can do: Give your child something else to do with his hands like fiddle with a Koosh Ball or smooth stone, even string. If that doesn’t work, learn to appreciate knuckle music or pray that peer pressure does what parental admonitions couldn’t.

Lip Licking

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How it starts: Like grown-ups, kids tend to lick their lips when they’re dry or chapped. Unfortunately, saliva is full of enzymes designed to digest food so, rather than soothing, it dries and irritates. This initiates a painful cycle as children chew, rub, or lick more in an attempt to smooth out rough or uneven skin.

So what’s the problem? Chronic licking can lead to a ring of red, irritated skin around your child’s mouth. Not only is it painful, it’s unsightly and sets kids up to be teased.

What you can do: “Petroleum jelly applied constantly, as in every time you look at them, allows the skin to improve and acts as a barrier to protect the skin from the irritation of the saliva,” advises Landells. Give older children lip balm and have them apply it whenever they feel the urge to lick. If the redness continues to spread, it may be a sign of infection. Applications of antibiotic ointment can help clear that up.

Nail Biting

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How it starts: Your little nail nosher is not alone. One study estimates that 40 percent of kids between the ages of five and 18 chew their nails. Kids chew for a variety of reasons — to unwind, reduce boredom or pass the time.

So what’s the problem? The gunk under your kid’s nails is teeming with bacteria and infectious organisms. Gnawing introduces those nasties into your child’s system. Nail biting can also lead to cuticle chewing, which increases the risk of inflammation and infection around the nail.

What you can do: Edmonton-based psychologist Bonnie Haave offers this alternative for kids stressed at the thought of going cold turkey. “Suggest they try to bite all the nails on their right hand, but not their left,” advises Haave. “A week or two later, say: ‘Now look at the difference. Does it feel better? Good for you.’” Help your child satiate the need to gnaw by keeping healthy snacks like raw veggies on hand, or even sugar-free gum. As for painting their nails with awful-tasting goop, no problem if your child’s game, says Haave. “But impose these things on kids, and they usually just wash the stuff off or get used to the taste.”

Scab Picking

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How it starts: The human body is a fascinating thing. Last week’s scraped knee is this week’s crusty scab. With this ever-changing landscape, it’s little wonder children can’t seem to leave well enough alone. “Kids are constantly surveying their skin,” says Landells. “If they feel an imperfection like a little bump or lump or bit of loose skin, they’re not going to rest until it’s gone.”

So what’s the problem? Picking at scabs increases the likelihood of infection and scarring. Non-stop scratching can result in impetigo — a common skin infection that is highly contagious. It starts when an open sore comes in contact with streptococcal or staphylococcal bacteria often found under kids’ nails.

What you can do: Put a little antibiotic ointment on the ouchie and cover it with a Band-Aid. What about letting air at the wound? A myth, says Landells. “Studies have shown that covered wounds heal faster.” If your child claims itchiness as the cause of her picking, she may be suffering an allergic reaction to an insect bite. “Unfortunately itching leads to scratching, and scratching makes you itchier,” says Landells. If that’s the case, your doctor can prescribe treatments like cortisone cream or antihistamines to break the cycle.

Thumb Sucking

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How it starts: A baby’s sucking reflex is associated with feelings of security and pleasure, so it’s little wonder infants enthusiastically snorfle anything that pops into their mouths, including their digits. While most kids drop the thumb habit between their second and third year, some suck well into the elementary grades, particularly when agitated or tired.

So what’s the problem? “We used to say that until the adult teeth started to come in, the impact of thumb and soother sucking was relatively minor,” says Ian McConnachie, a paediatric dentist from Nepean, Ontario. “But the more we study these habits, the more we see how they affect the mouths of children as young as two.” Depending on its force, frequency and style, thumb sucking can misalign teeth, deform your child’s palate and impede proper speech development. There is good news: Teeth can make a dramatic recovery, particularly if kids quit by age three or four.

What you can do: Most digit devotees under three aren’t developmentally ready, or able, to kick the habit. So don’t try to shame your toddler into quitting with statements like, “Oh, you look like such a baby.” Instead, wait till he’s older, then give him the straight goods about the potential side effects of thumb sucking. (Enlist your dentist’s help if necessary.) If the habit continues, suggest your child limit sucking to certain areas of the house and times of day — like the bedroom at nap time. Give him a stash of brightly coloured Band-Aids to wrap around his thumb as a reminder. Older children can be fitted with a special appliance to discourage thumb sucking.

Nose Picking

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How it starts: Junior’s probably picking ’cause something doesn’t feel quite right. Could be a ragweed allergy has left his schnozz runny and itchy. Perhaps crusted secretions from a cold or sinus infection are clogging his nostril. Or maybe furnace heat has dried out the lining of his nose. Then again, he may just want to gross you out.

So what’s the problem? Forceful excavation makes mincemeat out of the delicate skin lining the nostril. “Crusts act like razors and cut the inside of the nose,” says Ted Tewfik, a paediatric otolaryngologist at Montreal Children’s Hospital. “The cuts bleed, then form scabs which are irritating, so it becomes a vicious circle.” What’s more, abrasions act like an open door to the body, inviting in the bacteria and viruses your kid’s hands have picked up from, say, stinky gym socks.

What you can do: First, cut your child’s fingernails short, recommends Tewfik. Then address the underlying conditions that lead to picking. Talk to your medical practitioner about ways to manage allergy, cold or sinusitis symptoms. Rehydrate dried-out nasal passages with saline spray, a lubricant or a humidifier. Then load up on tissues, and make sure they’re handy the next time your child starts digging.

Breaking News

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Extra, extra. Looking for ways to help your child lose a bad habit without losing your mind? Read on.

Ease off. Next time you feel yourself getting hot under the collar, repeat this mantra: Reinforce success, ignore failure. When you ridicule, punish or yell at kids, you make ’em anxious. And that can actually intensify the behaviour you hope to eradicate.

Get to the root. Does your child nibble, twiddle, suck or fiddle at a particular time of day? Does the pressure of exams or the anxiety of yet another sports playoff make her lick and pick? Identifying her habit triggers can make it easier for her to stop. It might also help you determine whether it’s time to cut back on after-school activities or talk to the teacher about reducing homework load.

Clean up your own act. Remember the saying: Let he who is habit-free cast the first stone (OK, so we took liberties). Point is: If you routinely make a meal of your nails, you’re sending your kids the message that bad habits are acceptable. So quit it already.

Bribe ’em. Sometimes it helps to offer kids a little, ahem, incentive to work on correcting their habits. Promise to paint your daughter’s nails if she stops chewing them. Offer to trade the comfort of the thumb for a comfy new teddy bear. Or, if you must, dangle the stickers and Smarties.

Wait till they’re motivated. Bad habits are hard to break (as evidenced by the 91 percent of adults who admit to picking their noses). If your child seems absolutely determined to keep it up, could be — for now — he doesn’t have the self-awareness or self-control to change. Let him know you’ll be there for him if he wants help, then let it go.

Watch for extremes. All kids have habits. While many of them vanish on their own, some linger for a lifetime, or ebb and flow as need demands. If, however, a behaviour becomes self-injurious, or starts to interfere with your child’s ability to grow through play and learning, it’s time to seek outside help.

Originally published in Today's Parent, November 2003