BEHAVIOUR AND DEVELOPMENT

Raising respectful,co-operative kids these days is hard work. It’s not just the haze of nostalgia that makes us believe we never disobeyed our own parents — that we did not throw fits in grocery stores, stamp our feet, say, “I hate you!” Parenting attitudes have changed a lot since most of us were little. Truth is, without threat of harsh punishment, it is harder to control children. And yet, psychologist Anthony Wolf, author of Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Cheryl and Me to the Mall?, says the change is worth it. “Correct child raising involves not always having our kids behave in a manner that we want them to,” he says. “Bigger weapons might bring better behaviour, but they can produce angry or even violent people later on.”

Enter alternative strategies. The following techniques run the gamut — from gentle and proactive to no-nonsense and decisive. What works for your family will depend on the situation, your child’s age and your parenting style. Temperament is also key: Although you might only have to look at one kid sternly to show that you mean business, another may need more obvious clues. But whether you’re dealing with a balky toddler, a smart-assed teen, or someone in between, these techniques will help kids learn to make appropriate behaviour choices. And that’s what discipline is all about.

Originally published in Today's Parent, October 2003