Baby

The mother sitting beside me at the parent-child centre digs in her diaper bag for the pacifier. Her four-month-old baby boy, who has been sitting quietly in his car seat for about 15 minutes, has started to cry. He spits out his pacifier. She offers him a toy. He cries harder. She calls his name and makes shushing noises, but he continues to cry. She rocks the car seat. The movement startles him and he stops crying for a second, then starts up again.

I can tell by her anxious expression that this mother really wants to comfort her baby, but when she notices me watching, she says: "I don't want to pick him up - I'm afraid of spoiling him."

Where does this "fear of spoiling" come from? Often, comments from our parents or other older family members start us worrying. Lactation consultant Jan Barger says she remembers when her six-day-old baby was crying in her bassinet, and she hurried to pick her up. "My baby stopped crying as soon as she was in my arms," Barger says, "and my mother said to me, 'See, she's spoiled already.'"

Originally published in Today's Parent, June 2001