Oh, for a good night's sleep

Is parenthood turning out into more of an eye-opening experience than you expected?

Wendy Haaf,

Originally published in Today's Parent December 2005

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Three Approaches to Nightwaking
Same-sex marriage and night-waking babies share one trait: everyone from your mother-in-law to your hairstylist holds a passionate opinion about which options are right and wrong. Even if you’ve decided where you stand, it’s worth finding out more about the different ways of dealing with sleep issues — you may find the method you originally settled on just isn’t working for your family.

Sleep Sharing
The theory
Attachment parenting advocates see bed sharing (along with breastfeeding and “baby wearing”) as a tool that forges a close, trusting bond between parent and newborn. They argue most babies feel safer and more secure sleeping near a parent, and babies whose cries are heeded day and night are more relaxed, cry less and grow up into independent, empathetic, confident kids. Some supporters of co-sleeping also believe the extra physical contact may foster weight gain and brain development in much the same way skin-to-skin “kangaroo care” helps preemies. Parents who opt to bed-share view sleeping solo as akin to potty training — a developmental stage a child reaches when she’s ready.

The real world
Bunking with baby may actually disrupt a nursing mom’s rest less than sleeping in separate quarters: You can open one eye, latch her on and doze ’til she’s done. Since a breastfeeding mother’s sleep cycles naturally fall into sync with those of her infant, the pair often wakes together spontaneously, which means the baby doesn’t have to cry loudly and so may fall back to sleep more easily. And for some parents of high-need babies, bed sharing makes the difference between functioning and falling apart.

The downside? Some parents simply can’t sleep soundly in the same room with a wiggly little body, and there are some safety issues around bringing your baby into an adult bed that must be taken into consideration. And if you decide you want to stop sharing your sleeping space before your little one outgrows the arrangement, it may take time to persuade her to sleep alone, particularly if she has an intense personality.

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