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Strategies for (brief) separation anxiety

Helping your baby cope with the stress that comes with moments of independence

Alyson Schafer, parenting expert,

Originally published in Today's Parent February 2012

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Q: My six-month-old daughter screams when she’s left in her bouncy chair — even just long enough for me to go to the bathroom. Do you have any suggestions?

A: At six months of age, your baby can’t fend for herself: You are her guarantee of survival. She knows she needs you for everything, from food to keeping her warm and protecting her. When you’re there, she’s safe. When you’re gone, she’s distressed.

Compounding this is the fact that she doesn’t yet understand object permanence: knowing that when you go, you’re still around but just out of sight. She thinks you have — poof! — disappeared. I’d cry too!

You can help her understand that she’s safe and cared for, and that you do, indeed, come back. Give her little moments of you going away and returning. Have faith in your daughter to have the wherewithal to handle this stress, knowing you are helping her gain a sense of security: I was scared, but I managed! She came back! Life is safe and predictable, and I can count on myself to handle life’s little challenges.

Continue to practice giving your child moments of independence, such as when you’re cooking or unloading the dishwasher. Increase the amount of time slowly, and sing and talk to your baby to show her you’re near. Eventually, the crying will lessen, and your baby will come to learn that you have many activities you must attend to in a day. She will learn to self-settle, self-entertain and emotionally regulate with time. It is a process, but you are on your way!

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