Sherri Hoover and her best friend enjoy shopping and hanging out together, and their husbands often go golfing together, but joint family dinners and movie nights are a challenge. “We don’t get together as often as we’d like,” admits Hoover, “because the kids clash.”

Hoover’s son Nolan is a tentative, somewhat shy seven-year-old. Her friend’s six-year-old couldn’t be more opposite: outgoing, loud, even brash, and Nolan isn’t comfortable with his style. Nolan will say, “Do we have to have them over again? Can’t you take me to Grandma’s?”

We often expect our kids will get along with our friend’s kids. But that’s not always the case, says child and family therapist Sara Dimerman, the author of Am I a Normal Parent?

Don't force it

First, don’t insist that the kids play together, says Dimerman. During the early school-age years, children are beginning to become more discriminating about their friends, tending to choose buddies who have similar temperaments and interests, and they may show a preference for peers of the same gender. It’s important to respect and acknowledge your children’s choices regarding playmates.

Originally published in Today's Parent, November 2009